“Well good morning to you too,” says Deadpool standing in what appears to be a gigantic hospital room, complete with giant medical equipment. Standing on the bed, Wade comments that he was just dreaming of McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy, assuring him the brain surgery would be a success. Now that he’s awake, he finds himself in his incredibly big room. What mad scientist would spend so much money to build a huge prop set he wonders? What was he doing last night that led to his ending up in a bad episode of Land of the Giants?
Deadpool flashes back to a hazy vision of soliciting a call girl in the bar. She claims for him it would be a lot, to which he replies he has eight bucks. Wade reasons that she must have drugged him or exhausted him, making it the best eight bucks he ever spent.
Good thing whoever slept in this bed was so messy, he thinks as he slides down the bed sheet to the floor. It must suck to be Danny Devito, Wade sympathizes. He walks up to a giant, empty, medicine container hoping for some breath freshener to get the taste of regret out of his mouth. He sees on the label that they were Pym particles. That’s the stuff that makes Ant-man all “anty,” he recalls. “Hey wait a minute-the room’s not huge-I got small!” This is just like that stunt he pulled on the...
The ground trembles just before the Rhino appears, bursting through the wall and scattering medical equipment everywhere. “Where are you Deadpool? I know you’re in here and I know you’re tiny. I paid very good money for the Pym particles, so you better show yourself before I squash you like a bug!” All the while Rhino is speaking, he is wrecking the place and Deadpool dodges the giant feet and debris. Hey genius, try looking down here, suggests Deadpool. The massive face of the Rhino peers down at Wade and gloats about how little he is. This is gonna be great he says. What is, asks Deadpool. Oh that, he realizes just before the Rhino’s giant fist smashes him.
Deadpool awakens from his blackout to the sound of jingling and a metal cap attached to a chain on his head. “I suspect I’m being yanked around here,” he claims as he jerks around awkwardly in midair. This is paypack, pipsqueak, explains the Rhino, holding him up to his face. For that time that Wade shrunk him down made him into a key chain. Wade notices that his fellow key chains include Hello Skunky and Sunsparkle Pony. He comments on this, as well as informing him that breath mints should be a lifestyle choice he should consider. What is the Rhino’s damage Deadpool asks? Not nearly as bad as the damage Wade is about to face, assures Rhino.
In the Three Strikes Bar, a busy super-villain watering hole, Rhino holds his key chains up high, proclaiming to all to look what he’s got here. This is turning out to be the worst eight bucks he ever spent, mumbles Deadpool helplessly. Several of the patrons wander over, proclaiming how cool the Deadpool key chain is and asking how Rhino pulled it off. Rhino smugly explains that, after he busted out, he heard that Deadpool was thinking of taking him down. So he made some calls and found a guy that could score him some Pym particles.
A pair of female twins dressed as cowgirls claim they have a great idea. Finishing each other’s sentences, they suggest they take him to the bathroom and make him ride a urinal cake. A more heavily armed and gaudily dressed villain aggressively demands to just throw Wade into the air to see how many times he can shoot him. The twins counter that this Infinity T.A.P. is the worst and that is his answer to everything. He replies to the twins, named Slough, that he has found it makes a wonderful answer. Deadpool realizes that these losers will never agree on anything. Infinity T.A.P. continues that, for example, he can stop the argument by shooting Slough through the head. He promptly does this to one of the twins, extracting no more that an “Ouch!” from the girl and an annoyed barkeep for the resulting shattered beer glass behind her.
Slamming his giant foot onto the ground, resulting in a seismic shock-wave, one of the other members demands the fighting trio to stop. Why doesn’t the group make Wade ride the urinal cake and shoot him? Everyone enthusiastically agree to this idea and Deadpool laments that on “this” these losers can agree on.
Excited, the group enters the men’s room, but the bespectacled man Conrad shoves the twins back out. After claiming that they’ve been in the men’s room before, they suddenly merge their bodies together, reshaping their image into that of a man. Slough reenters the bathroom, asking if they’re happy now. From behind the closed door, Deadpool pleads with them not to do this. When one of them asks why they should listen to “widdle Deadpool,” he replies that he will kill each and every one of them. When a voice of hesitation asks the group if they think he really could, Foot of Doom replies that he can step on him, T.A.P. can shoot him, Slough can “Slough him,” he guesses, and Conrad can… Pay the tab like always, replies Conrad. YEEAAH, they cry in delight as the sound of flushing commences.
Laughing as they come out of the bathroom holding a soaked and dripping Deadpool, Infinity T.A.P. is quick to remind them to throw him in the air. He advertises money down on how many times he can hit him, but asks them to hurry because his Temporal Access Pistols are hot to trot. Rhino expresses doubt, claiming that with Deadpool being so tiny and his bullets being so big, Wade could really be hurt. Deadpool counters that he does have a remarkable healing factor. Rhino comes back that it sure doesn’t help him dry off though. No but it does handle losing huge chunks of his body, concludes Wade. Good point, admits Rhino.
Having convinced Rhino that throwing himself into a hailstorm of bullets was a good idea, Deadpool declares Rhino to be the idiot. “I shoot you!” yells Infinity T.A.P., unloading his guns as quickly as he can. Deadpool aerial dodges between the massive streams of bullets until he accomplishes his goal of shooting off the chain holding him. Oblivious, Infinity T.A.P. continues shooting, yelling “Time and time again-I shoot you!” With his first trick done, Wade tries to get another bullet to take off his unwanted thimble cap, attaching him to the keychain. This fails and causes him to realize that the cap is on a bit tighter than he anticipated. Deciding to skip an encore, Deadpool announces that it is time for him to kill them all.
Of the onlookers, shocked with mouths hanging open, the weak looking Conrad laments the turn of events and urges the others to remember he has no superpowers. He is just a commodities broker who picks up the tab. Deadpool rewards his plea with a swift miniature size aerial kick to the nose. “He brogg my node,” Conrad yells.
“He’s free,” asks Foot of Doom, confused yet shaking the ground with his giant foot slam. And he’s pissed both figuratively and literally, responds Deadpool. “Little slow with current events there Foot of Doom. I could’ve let you guys have a few laughs, we coulda got drunk because at his size how many beers would it have took? Ten? Fifteen? Conrad would have picked up the tab… but no you had to take it too far.” Foot of Doom still confused wonders how Deadpool is free. “Do you need bifocals or something,” asks Deadpool as he leaps over to him. Planting a punch directly onto his jaw, Deadpool quips “Foot of Doom, Jaw of Glass.”
“I shoot you!” yells Infinity T.A.P. Dodging more bullets Deadpool observes that, if even the NRA refuses to endorse him, that it could be the first sign that he has a problem. The bullet storm rips through Slough behind Deadpool, spraying its gray putty substance everywhere. Still bouncing away from bullets, Deadpool tumbles his way over to Rhino, where the bullets just bounce off his hide. Wade asks if the big guy approves of this, to which Rhino replies not really. Infinity T.A.P. realizes his mistake and admits that maybe he does have a problem. However, Rhino still stamps him down to the floor with his foot.
Now on the bar, Deadpool coaxes Rhino to come over towards him. The panicked barkeep promises Wade drinks on the house for a week if he gets Rhino out of his bar. Wade negotiates to a month and then leaps onto the charging Rhino’s head yelling, “Me am horny.” Admitting that was a bad joke even for him, Wade steers Rhino toward the reforming Slough. “I’m Debra Winger” Deadpool shouts as Rhino tries to warn Slough. Too late for Slough as Rhino charges through him scattering his pieces again.
Bursting out of the wall and into the street, Rhino yells for Deadpool to get off of him followed by the cry that this isn't fair. As he continues down the street wrecking cars in his way, he asks why Deadpool won't let go and complains that Wade was the one that was supposed to be embarrassed. In response, Deadpool reiterates that Rhino shrunk him, put him on a key chain with Skunky and Rainbow Pony, and dragged him to the crappy Three Strikes Bar. Wade takes a moment to confess that the bar is actually quite a wonderful establishment, now that he is getting free drinks for a month. Wade then emphasizes the fact that he was flushed in a urinal and assures Rhino that his good honor has been annihilated.
Screeching to a stop, Rhino asks Deadpool if he really has humiliated him. Hanging off of Rhino's horn, Wade assures him face to face that he absopositively did. Rhino explains that embarrassing Deadpool was all he really wanted after Wade turned him into a key chain. Deadpool congratulates him on a job well done and apologizes for wronging him by making him into a key chain. He emphasizes that he should have had more respect for a hotshot like Rhino, who's fought the likes of Spidey and the Hulk. When Rhino asks permission to tell people about the day's events, Wade assures him it is fine. He admits that Rhino got him good but reminds him that he still took out a bunch of them at three inches tall. To this, Rhino tempers Wade's ego by saying that one of those was the Foot of Doom.
Deadpool grabs Rhino's attention one last time, asking him if he forgot something. Like a little spritz of Pym particles to make him tall again. Rhino, looking a bit embarrassed, admits that he paid a guy to get the gas and administer it to Wade. He apologizes and leaves Wade perplexed at this unexpected twist.
Back in Deadpool's apartment, Wade claims that he should have known it was Weasel. Weasel, opening a bottle of beer, explains that Wade was hard to track down after Rhino bolted. Deadpool accounts that at this size it took over a day to get back to the apartment. He continues that Weasel better explain himself threatening that his life depends on his response. Weasel responds that he had some Pym particles in his weapon storage depot and that he hired some scientists to administer them to Deadpool. Wade concludes that he should have guessed that malevolent minx that only charged eight dollars was a scientist. No she was what she was, Weasel corrects. She was just to lure Wade in easier. Deadpool admits that he does hate how smart scientists are and he would have probably kicked them through a black hole if they tried to nab him.
Pouring his beer into the bottle cap, Weasel sets it in front of Deadpool. Wade starts slurping the beer out of the cap like a dog. He understands that Weasel helped Rhino turn him small but asks why Weasel hasn't turned him big again. Weasel smugly explains that, with Wade still trying to prove himself, what better way show what a hot tamale he is than to capture an escaped rampaging super-felon while trapped at three inches tall? Deadpool just smiles his understanding.
Days later, on the latest edition of the Daily Bugle newspaper, the front page shows a picture of Deadpool standing atop a defeated and chained Rhino with a confused police officer in the background. The headline reads “Rhino Captured By Tiny Terror!” Nice picture Weasel congratulates Deadpool, but warns him that Rhino will want revenge for this. Wade shrugs it off, saying that they will turn it into a Inspector Closseau/Kato kind of thing.
Sitting patiently on a thimble, Deadpool finally asks Weasel to make him big now. “Yeah, about that...” Weasel hesitates. “Don't tell me...” Wade dreads. Weasel admits that the doctors accidentally used up all of the Pym particles he had so Wade is kinda stuck. Weasel assures Wade that he will figure something out though... eventually. Unfazed, Deadpool simply wonders if Kristen Chenoweth would like to hook up now that they are the same height.
