Typhoid Mary attacks Deadpool! Wade jokes that it wouldn’t be a bad thing if she would stop doing that. However, he is impressed by the gallant kick, and even wants to give her a golden star for effort, should he have one. Wade manages to dodge the kick, and jokes that even his grandmother would be able to dodge it. It’s like the shampoo description says: if you want to deliver a heel sandwich to one of the big boys, you are going to have to show a little finesse! Wade wants to take a wild guess, and thinks that Mary is probably going to blame him now for all the snoozing drugs they gave her back at the mental institution.
Mary orders Wade to shut up, and punches him in his stomach! He can stick that up into his grandmother’s skirt. Deadpool congratulates Mary on the nice comeback, but warns her she should never make fun of his grandmother, as the woman was a saint. He grabs Mary’s arm, and tosses her against a wall. He takes it that this little battle means that she isn’t going to pay him for the rescue. He would normally rip Mary’s lungs out of her body for setting him up, but lately he has changed, so he suggests he’ll just cripple Mary instead.
Mary shouts that playtime is over. She suggests that Wade brings her to the Kingpin, as she is his girl and he’ll pay the bill. Wade shouts that that can’t happen, as everyone knows that he recently pulled a disappearing act. Mary smiles, and adds that there are other ways to work off her debts… sweaty ways. Wade doesn’t deal in broken merchandise, and wants his money.
The truth is, Mary hoped to be able to kill Wade once he had brought her there. There never was any money. So unless Wade considers returning the favor, he can consider himself… stiffed. Wade thinks about it. He thinks that, since Mary used to work for the Kingpin, it’s time she had a lateral career move. He asks Mary when the last time was she applied for a job.
Chicago, the Hellhouse…
Weasel sits on a table, talking to someone about what happened to Razorfist, who apparently had an itch on his neck, and accidentally cut his own head off! T-Ray walks up on Weasel, and he looks rather angry. Weasel wants to know why this keeps happening to him, as he’s a good guy and his soul is clean… besides that one guy he killed once, but that hardly counts. He thinks he doesn’t deserve Deadpool’s baggage. Weasel starts to panic and asks T-Ray what he wants from him, besides seeing him freaking out.
T-Ray threats that he’s going to nuke Weasel’s friend today, at 8 P.M. And it’s going to be ugly. Permanent as well. He figured Weasel might want to warn his friend, which is okay for T-Ray, as it will make things a little more interesting. He walks away. Weasel thanks T-Ray for the assist, and thinks his life is messed up.
Queens, lunch time…
A female voice asks an elderly cop if he wants some company. He declines, since he’s eating and happily married. But, he informs that there are some other cops around the corner, maybe they are buying. The woman doesn’t give up, and suggests that she is seeing prime quality in front of her and suggests she starts with his leg, or a little upwards if he prefers. The old geezer is interested, and is listening.
Typhoid Mary steps out of the shadows! She thought that to be great, as she would have hated if the cop would miss the sound of his own jaw breaking. She kicks him, and the cop faints. Wade points his gun at Mary’s head, asking if anyone ever taught her to be subtle. Mary thinks that life is too short for subtlety. Wade knows they could have just put a gun on the cop’s head and carjacked him, but Mary didn’t see any fun in that. They steal the cop’s car and drive away. Mary wants to drive the car over the cop, but Deadpool prefers not to do that.
Hours later, at Chateau de Weasel…
Weasel starts to panic, as he can’t contact Deadpool anywhere, and the merc isn’t even responding to Weasel’s pages. He now starts to wonder if he ever gave the batteries back to Wade, which Weasel had borrowed to play on his Tagamotchi. Weasel doesn’t think that matters. The important thing is that T-Ray seems different lately. He’s extra creepy than usual, and there’s a boldness to him, an almost tangible force. Weasel fears that Deadpool’s really in deep this time and Weasel sees it as his duty, as Wade’s weapons dealer and confidant, his best friend even, to warn Wade, no matter the danger and regardless the cost. And mostly, because if Weasel doesn’t warn Wade… he won’t get paid!
He has the computer tapped into the default coordinates on Deadpool’s teleporter, and loaded them into the back-up unit. Weasel assumes that this is the setting for Wade’s home. He wants to jump to there and just wait for the merc. Of course, Weasel has never been to Wade’s home before. Not even to a merc’s one, either. And he knows that’s mostly like a private Idaho, where they can close the door on the mercenary life and chill. It’s taboo to compromise that place, but since Howard Stern’s butt is on pay-per-view this month and if Wade gets killed, Weasel will be never able to afford to watch it. He wonders when his priorities got so screwy. Weasel activates his teleporter on his watch, and moves away.
Meanwhile, just outside the windy city…
Wade loves the open road, and always wanted to cross-country. Though, he never would have expected he would be accompanied by a mental patient. He thinks it’s kind of ironic, and asks Mary’s opinion. Mary briskly brakes the car, and hits a horse! She hates national velvets, and always wanted to kill a horse since she was four years old. Wade jokes they are lucky Liz Taylor wasn’t crossing the street, or else they might have thrown out the transmission!
San Francisco, Deadpool’s house…
Weasel has teleported inside it, but thinks the place looks nasty. No wonder Deadpool likes it. This is his fortress of solitude. Weasel thinks it’s a dump and, since he knows the kind of money Wade earns, the least he could have done was buy a dustpan and a broom with it. No wonder Wade never invited him over. Suddenly, Blind Al enters, and calls out to Wade, thinking he’s home again. Weasel starts to panic.
The Hellhouse, around 8 P.M…
Wade found it absolutely unnecessary that Mary killed that puppy on the way the Hellhouse. She doesn’t care. As a punishment, Wade has Mary in cuffs enter the Hellhouse. All the other mercs whistle at Mary, thinking she is gorgeous, but Wade warns everyone to back off as Mary is with him. Mary is pleased, but she warns the other mercs that they couldn’t afford her. Though she doesn’t eat much, the mortuary bills are a killer with Mary.
Deadpool tells Mary to shut up, and meets up with Patch. He introduces Typhoid Mary to him, and mentions that she used to work for the Kingpin and that she is now available at each price. Patch is charmed, but he tells Wade that he knows he gave up the skin trade back when he was still fashionable. Mary jokes that Patch should do a time warp, as retro is back in.
Wade mentions that Mary owes him some money, and could pay off while doing some jobs for Patch and later on give whatever she earns to him. Besides, Wade jokes, as he shows Patch Mary’s butt, he thinks that if Patch works his cards right, Mary could also do a little “work” for him, if the old guy understands what Wade means. Patch isn’t sure, as he thinks Mary doesn’t have what it takes to work in a place like the Hellhouse. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with her.
Wade calls out to C.F. and asks the guy to uncuff Mary, so she can show everyone what she can do. C.F. is glad to, and goes to do it. Mary jokes that C.F. reminds her of the Kingpin, seeing his bald head. C.F. is pleased, and mentions that his posture does earn him some respect, and asks Mary if she was close to Fisk. Mary jokes that one could say she and the Kingpin had a love/hate relationship, though it was mostly hate. Once released, she punches C.F. in his stomach!
While Mary continues to hit C.F., not understanding why he won’t die, Deadpool jokes that Mary’s speed would be suitable for all the foreign jobs. Wade thinks he has found the Mrs. Carnage of ’97! Wade grabs Mary and calms her down, and asks Patch what he thinks. He is impressed, and Deadpool has himself a deal.
San Francisco, Deadpool’s house…
Al, still thinking she is talking to Deadpool, welcomes him and mentions that she was cleaning off his Elvis spoons, and thought he might wanted to eat something so she prepared some things for him. It’s even Wade’s favorite: grape nuts on rye and a cold Brewski, and Al has a mug frosting in the icebox. She also apologizes for accidentally putting bleach into Wade’s Squirrel Girl’s underoos.
Weasel apologizes to Al, mentioning that he isn’t Deadpool. She freaks out, wanting to know who Weasel is, since she heard a teleporter. Weasel asks Al to calm down. He knows that this is awkward, but wants to be civilized. Al refuses, and demands to know where Deadpool is. Weasel introduces himself, and tells Al that Wade might have mentioned him. Al still freaks out, but Weasel tries to calm her and mentions that Wade is in huge trouble, and he can’t reach the guy. Al doesn’t care about that and shouts at Weasel that, if Wade ever finds out that he Weasel has been there, he will be dead!
Meanwhile, at San Francisco’s Gate Park…
Gerry is talking to a trashcan, about pop tarts. He dislikes the food, and remembers the days he had a toaster strudel. He liked those, back in the old days. Gerry stops talking, and recalls that this is a whole lot more fun when Wade is around.
Back at the Hellhouse…
T-Ray enters, and warns Patch that he shouldn’t trust Typhoid Mary, as T-Ray believes there’s something dirty about her. Wade jokes that T-Pop sure knows about dirt, because Wade heard that when T-Ray jumps into a river, he leaves a ring around the beach.
T-Ray say “hi” to Mary, playfully pulls her up, and remembers it has been a long time since they last saw each other. Mary knows, as the last time was in Beliz. It was when T-Ray left her alone with the business’ end of a shotgun taped to her throat! T-Ray remembers, as he has never been good with break-ups. Mary warns T-Ray to pull the trigger the next time. Wade wants to know what’s going on.
Mary calms Wade down, telling him not to worry, as it’s just ancient history coming back to haunt her. It really was six forgettable months to her. T-Ray smiles that the old days sure were good, weren’t they? Mary puts a knife against T-Ray’s throat. She admits that maybe the times when they were knee deep in red, sweating and trying to survive were good. But she warns that these days aren’t the old ones.
Mary warns T-Ray that, if he ever wants to scratch himself with those meathooks of his again, he better puts her down before she forgets the fun parts of their past. T-Ray does, and recognizes the same old Mary. He welcomes her into the Hellhouse, and that she has to watch her back. Patch tells Mary that’s enough, and asks her to follow him as they’ve got some paperwork to do before she can start doing jobs. As they go, Wade helps C.F. up, and thinks that Mary is a keeper alright… someone he might bring home to Mother Manson. T-Ray smiles and wants to have a word with Wilson.
Wade wants to know what’s up. T-Ray thinks that Deadpool seems to get stupider every time he sees him. Wade jokes T-Cup that he was trying to keep up with him, but that’s a little hard to do. T-Ray warns Wade that he has no idea what he has done by bringing Mary there. Wade doesn’t understand. T-Ray explains that Mary isn’t like them. He knows Wilson is too dense to realize it, but Mary isn’t and she doesn’t belong here. She’s ill. Wade thinks that’s like Freddy calling Kathy Lee a monster.
T-Ray tells Wade that they’ve got no choice about who they are. It’s their fate. But, he knows that Mary was trying to get out, to have a normal life. And Wade has now blown all that to hell. Whatever happens to Mary now, is Deadpool’s responsibility. Wade panics a bit about maybe having messed up Mary’s life. Oh, no! That means he will never be an Eagle Scout now, and his mom will kill him!
Wade defends that ruining lives is his job. It’s the only thing he was ever good at in elementary school, besides taking naps. Besides, Mary owes him some green, and this is Wade’s way of getting it without killing the little psychopath. T-Ray thinks that Wade’s arrogance of thinking he can help her will be his downfall. Wade jokes that one day, T-Ray’s breath is going to waste his eyebrows too. Wade thinks that T-Ray is just jealous that his ex-groupie is now with him. He thinks T-Ray is angry that the one woman he couldn’t kill is now with the one man he can’t touch, and also because it reminds T-Ray that, no matter what he does, Wade can always do it better. Always have, always will.
As T-Ray grows angry, but doesn’t say anything, Wade asks him what he thinks about that. Wade keeps talking, and jokes that he’ll cry about the fact that T-Ray isn’t talking to him anymore. T-Ray ignores it, and pulls out a bomb-like device out of his belt. He takes some ducked tape, and tapes the bomb onto Wade’s head. Not realizing what’s going on, Wade jokes that he’ll give T-Ray some credit out of pity that he apparently can touch him.
Suddenly, Wade’s face catches on in flames! T-Ray has burned off Wade’s face! Wade freaks out about losing his mask as well, and runs outside. All of the other mercs are startled. Patch comes out of his office, and wonders what’s going on.
San Francisco, Deadpool’s house…
Al is still freaking out, and warns Weasel to get out right now, as she doesn’t want to get killed. Weasel calms her down, thinking neither of them will get killed, because he is Wade’s main man, and Al is… he doesn’t know what she actually is to Wade. Al doesn’t think that matters, besides the fact that nobody violates Wade’s home, not a friend or enemy. He’ll be able to smell Weasel. She warns that if Weasel thinks their friendship means anything to a guy like Wade, Al suspects that Weasel isn’t half as smart as Wade told her.
Weasel is surprised that Wade calls him “smart.” Al activates Weasel’s teleporter. He starts fading away, and can take a hint. But he wants Al to tell Wade about the danger he’s in. Al thinks about it. Now, she has to go spray things, or else she’s going to get it. But, it was nice to have a guest, if only for just a minute. She sighs.
The Hellhouse…
T-Ray tries to talk to Typhoid Mary, but she tells him not to bother, as she isn’t impressed by child tricks.
Deadpool makes it to the ladies’ lounge. The girls think he’s trespassing, and start hitting Wade. He tries to apologize and tell everyone to back off, but none of the girls wants to listen. Mary notices it, and smiles. She pulls all of the girls away from Wade, and they now get angry at Mary as well, wanting to kill her. Mary smiles at Wade, asking if he wants a little piece of the action or if she can finish it all by herself. Wade still isn’t completely back to his senses, and thinks Mary is someone else. He shouts to leave him alone, and kicks Mary out of the window!
Luckily, it’s only a second story window. The kick to the gut will barely raise a bruise on Mary. There wasn’t even glass in the window, just some wooden shelves covering it. But still, Typhoid Mary is paralyzed. Her body seizes, her fractured mind reels and, as the swiftly shortening space between her body and ground whistles by, something is rattled loose. Buried sound, forgotten smell and sight. Memory included.
Back inside, Deadpool calls out to the librarian of the ladies group, and asks if her clothes are cotton. She confirms but wants to know why. Wade pulls it off the woman, revealing her robotic skin, and jokes that his skin is sensitive to linens. Wade pulls the clothes around his head and jumps out of the window as well. He goes after Mary, and shouts at her not to move and keep on breathing, as she still owes him some money.
At the same time, Patch is furious at T-Ray. He has told the big merc a hundred times that there is no fighting in his Hellhouse, and T-Ray is now suspended of jobs from him for a month. T-Ray apologizes, but asks Patch who is going to have the strength to pull him outside, and later on still have the breath to live on? Patch isn’t pleased with the challenge. He challenges everyone else of the other mercs, and will pay them big time if they can move T-Ray outside. But nobody answers, or does anything. They just stare at Patch.
Outside the Hellhouse…
Wade finds Mary. She’s still alive and breathing. He apologizes for the accident, and helps her back up. Mary freaks out, and starts saying “D…D…” Wade is glad to hear that Mary can still speak. Suddenly, she shouts “Daredevil!”
Wade corrects that it actually was T-Ray who did this to him, and he wants to go kick his Albino butt for this mess. Mary warns Wade that they have to go to New York. She remembers everything, thanks to the fall. Wade wants to know what Mary remembers. She remembers what she must do, what she was born to do. She has to kill the “Redman;” utterly and completely destroy him. And she needs Deadpool’s help to complete it.
Wade jokes about it, until he notices the evil smile on Mary’s face. She is serious…
