Deadpool is at Fort Dix in New Jersey fighting the Army, while telling them how he really respects U.S. soldiers, even the stateside dweeb truck-packers like them. He tells them how he had G. I. Joes when he was a kid, real G.I. Joes, not the Kung-Fu grip versions or the versions that had a Cartoon, at least he had them until he blew them up with a M-80 and buried them with his hamster.
He interrupt his story when the soldiers start shooting at him, disarming them and knocking them out, insulted that they would shoot at him while he was trying to show them the love by “keeping my carnage at a polite Martha Stewart”-level. His mission was to get in, steal a top-secret research program with a minimum of noise, but he realizes that he has failed at the second part.
He looks around for any conscious soldiers to tell him where he can find the program and sees two men in uniform running away. He shouts at them that the uniform doesn’t fool him – he can see that they are computer geeks. He blocks their path and asks them where the project is. The first researcher is too afraid and stammers, so Deadpool knocks him out. The second one tells him that the project’s name is “Cone of Silence” and that he has talked about it to a Daily Bugle reporter. Deadpool replies that it’s against his religion to talk to reporter (excluding “his lovely hobbit, Katie”), but then he remembers that he knows a reporter: Irene Merryweather.
On Providence, Irene really doesn’t want to talk to Deadpool and certainly doesn’t want to travel all the way to Manhattan to do it. She asks Cable for one good reason to do so. Cable, who is working with Black Box tells her that he can give her 50 in ten seconds. Irene knows that he is using Black Box and the Dominus Objective to tap into all information, so she wonders why Cable just doesn’t tell Deadpool himself. Cable cryptically answers that knowing something and doing something with that knowledge are two different things.
Cable tells her that the Cone of Silence has been moved out of Fort Dix and he can’t track it. Irene jokes that he’s probably too busy looking for new Paris Hilton videos. Cable retorts that he did find some interesting photos Irene took during a sorority pledge at Columbia. Irene is not amused. Gareb tells her that she was very… free-spirited and also finds a new Paris Hilton video, while pointing Cable’s attention to some other piece of information.
Cable wonders why S.H.I.E.L.D. sent a lot of material to the Savage Land two months ago. Irene asks Cable, but then agrees to make some phone calls and find out more about the story. Cable tells her that he e-mailed Johann Kriek and that a skimmer is ready for her. Irene still doesn’t want to go, but Cable can’t be convinced.
12 hours later, Irene is at Deadpool’s apartment to tell Deadpool that Ken Ellis is working on the story. She doesn’t like Ellis, but he’s a good reporter. He won’t take her phone calls if he thinks she is working on the same story though, so Deadpool might have to do the talking himself, but is distracted by Deadpool’s apartment being very nice and clean. Deadpool, wearing a tuxedo, admits that he did clean up “a bit,” draws some conclusions on her coming to his place in person instead of just calling him and offers her some champagne. Irene is both surprised and disturbed that he is hitting on her. Deadpool responds: ”If I may... you’re looking mighty fresh for a woman in her pre-menopausal years.” Irene yells.
At the Daily Bugle, Ken Ellis is looking for a photographer. Joe Robertson tells him that Peter Parker is available. Ken doesn’t like Parker, but Robbie tells him that Parker is the only one available. Ken asks where Parker is and finds out that Parker has made the mistake of asking Jameson for an advance pay. Inside, Jonah’s office Jonah is shouting at Peter how ludicrous the whole idea of him getting an advance pay is when Ken arrives to take Peter away.
Inside the car, Peter still isn’t able to say anything, too shell-shocked by Jonah’s verbal assault. Deadpool sees the car leaving and follows on foot. Ken instructs Peter to hide inside the bushes on their ‘victim’s’ front lawn. Peter complains that he hates stalking people, but Ken asks if Peter wants a front page that doesn’t have Spider-Man on it for a change, so that Peter can pretend being a real journalist. Peter mutters that he has won awards. Ken explains that he’s going to ask the general they are stalking about using budgetary funds for homeland security on a project that doesn’t protect the borders when Peter’s spider-instinct warns him.
Deadpool lands on the car, opens the door and throws Peter off the Queensboro Bridge. Deadpool jokes about wanting to ride shotgun, but Ellis is too shocked by Deadpool killing Peter. Deadpool now realizes that throwing somebody off a bridge will indeed kill them. Deadpool tells Ellis (whom he calls Kenny, because Ken reminds him of Barbie and that distracts him) that they are going to pretend for the sake of Wade’s need to rationalize his own actions that Peter is now a world-class cliff diver. And that Wade knew that when he threw him off the bridge and that Peter therefore will survive the fall… correction: “the dive.” Just in case the cops ask.
In mid-fall, Peter shoots out a web and changes into his Spider-Man costume. Ken agrees with Deadpool and Deadpool changes the subject to project: Cone of Silence. Ken is surprised that Deadpool knows about it, but then screams out in terror. Wade wonders if it’s Saturday night, because the giant web blocking the bridge in front of them reminds him of SciFi original movie night.
Deadpool gets out of the car and is relieved to see that it’s Spider-Man instead of a Harryhausen-creation. Spider-Man is not amused and tells Deadpool that he should be afraid of him. Deadpool thinks that Spider-Man is not scary; he was so adorable in his movies with those Tobey Maguire-eyes. Spider-Man thinks Deadpool is nuts and lucky that he caught the guy Wade threw off the bridge. Deadpool thinks this means he now has absolution because he can claim to the police that he knew Spider-Man would be there when he threw Parker off the bridge.
Spider-Man wonders why Deadpool isn’t rotting in jail. Deadpool sarcastically retorts that maybe he never went up against a tough guy like Spider-Man. Spider-Man jokes back that Wade should consider him a step up from Dr. Bong. Deadpool is too distracted by the classic Gil Kane shot, as Spider-Man kicks him in the face. Deadpool swings himself from an I-beam while telling Spider-Man that, when he got bitten by a radioactive spider, all he got was a nasty rash. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know some fancy moves either, while he kicks Spider-Man.
Spider-Man is unimpressed, comparing Deadpool’s thighs to trees and the way he moves to a groundhog. He then goes on to pointing out that women don’t like him and children don’t wear Deadpool underwear. This is enough to enrage Deadpool. He stammers that he has had like three action figures and they are going to make plush dolls and T-shirts, but has to admit that Spider-Man wins that round. He points out that he at least has killed hundreds of people, but Spider-Man doesn’t consider that exactly a plus. Deadpool thinks that it is if you have never been convicted.
Cable watches the fight through the Infonet, while Irene watches it on TV and calls Cable. She wonders what is going to happen if the Avengers are called in. Cable is convinced that it won’t come to that. Irene is worried that Wade will endanger innocents, but again Cable denies that that is going to happen. Irene doesn’t know what Cable is planning, but tells him that he better have a very good reason to keep a psychopath like Deadpool on such a long leash. Cable assures her that the lash has a choke collar on the end.
Deadpool is surprised by Spider-Man’s strength, he wonders when a spider ever threw a knockout punch. Spider-Man informs him that he has the proportionate strength of a spider. Deadpool has no idea what that means and wonders why the public is cheering Spider-Man on; they used to hate him. Spider-Man tells him that he won the public over. Deadpool thinks that it’s just the Tobey Maguire-eyes. Spider-Man informs him that he is even an Avenger these days. Deadpool thinks that the Avengers are letting in everybody these days, even Black Talon. Deadpool is knocked back by Spider-Man’s kick and lands between the public. Cable looks on and prays that Deadpool doesn’t do it, but Deadpool grabs a woman and tells her that he is not planning on hurting her, but then again he has probably a higher tolerance for pain than she does.
Cable decides to interfere and asks Black Box to do a fast data dump to Ellis’ Blackberry. Spider-Man tells Deadpool not to do it. Deadpool doesn’t want Spider-Man to hit him in the face anymore and asks him why he is interfering: Deadpool wasn’t using any guns or swords and wasn’t planning to hurt anybody. Ellis’ Blackberry beeps and a surprised Ellis sees the message: ”Deadpool can help you with the General.”
Ellis interferes in the fight and tells Spider-Man that Deadpool is with him. Deadpool and Spider-Man are equally surprised. Ellis lies to Spider-Man that Deadpool had information for him. Spider-Man asks why Deadpool then threw a guy to his death. Deadpool tells him that they already had established that he knew that Spider-Man was there to save Parker and that he was both surprised and relieved that he did. (He then realizes that he said that out aloud), but he quickly tells Spider-Man that he just wanted to expose some dirty military secrets to Ken.
Ken agrees and asks Spider-Man if he can bring back Parker. Deadpool tells Spider-Man that he has a lot of nerve to web up a person of the fifth estate. Ken corrects him: it’s the fourth estate. Deadpool defends that he was thinking of the Fifth Dimension. Spider-Man looks on and mutters to himself “some nerve.”
The next day the Daily Bugle exposes the General’s Cone of Silence program with a picture of the general by Peter Parker on the front page. The general tries to hide his identity by putting his arms in front of his face.
A few days later, Irene and Cable discuss the whole affair. Cable tells her that he knew Spider-Man had no choice but let Deadpool go with Ellis. Irene asks if Cable is okay with Deadpool threatening innocent civilians. Cable points out that Deadpool didn’t hurt anybody. Irene is skeptical: Deadpool was going to hurt somebody. Cable remains adamant that he didn’t. Irene thinks that this is only because Cable interfered. He thinks that that’s what being a friend is all about.
Irene gives up; Nathan can rationalize anything. Cable also states the option of using a bodyslide to teleport Deadpool out of harm’s way. Irene thinks it’s more accurate to speak of “out of harming someone else.” Irene sums up the result: Ellis has his article, Parker his picture and Cable got the general’s files on this Cone of Silence. Irene knows that the Cone is some type of forcefield, but wants to know what is so special about a U.S. defense shield. Cable explains to her that the Cone was designed to act as a prison around Providence, keeping the island cut off from the rest of the world. Irene wonders what Cable is going to do with the design now that he has it.
On the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier, Nick Fury briefs Captain America that he suspects that Cable was behind the fall of the Cone of Silence project. Captain American wants to know if Fury is sure. Fury replies that he isn’t, which is one of the big problems with Cable. He always seems to be ahead of them. He tells Captain America that the Cone of Silence was 5 to 10 years from being operational. Captain America thinks 5 to 10 years is nothing to a man from the future. Fury agrees.
Captain America wants to know if he should talk to Cable. Fury responds that he call Oprah if he wanted talk. He wants ass-kicking, so he called Captain America.
