Five teenage girls walk the halls of a high school. In the center of the group is Megan “Oh my God, seriously?” Gwynn. (Most likely to be liked as well as hop up and down when she is happy.) On her left is Hisako “It’s a family name” Ichiki. (Has already finished her comunity service quote but is worried it didn’t make her a better person) On Hisako’s left is Cessily “I can kick over my head” Kincaid, head cheerleader. (Most likely to mistake reverse for first). On Megan’s right is a dark brooding girl in leather. Laura “don’t make me come over there Kinney. (Professional hardcase with zero patience. Thinks bananas smell like nail polish remover). And rounding up the group is Ruth “what are you, blind?” Aldine. (Amateur grammarian with little patience for people who can’t see what’s right in front of them).
She thinks it’s time they all stopped kidding around and take this situation seriously, Megan announces as they walk into the school’s cafeteria where Hisako immediately ogles at the baseball players. She means it, Megan stresses. If they don’t get their ducks in a row, they’ll regret it.
She dislikes that expression, Laura announces. No one tells a duck what to do. Cessily disagrees. She was at this hotel once and the ducks came right out of the elevator and climbed those little steps into a fountain. So cute, she gushes. She’s confident that her experience in the field of water fowl management will be invaluable in a crisis, Laura declares. Well, they never know what’s going to be thrown at them next, Cessily retorts, addressing Laura by her name. Laura orders her not to call her by that name She is—
Before she can finish the sentence, she runs into a baseball player. She’d watch where she was going if she were him, she warns him. This is all part of their plan to ruin their musical, isn’t it? he accuses her.
Megan draws Laura away, reminding her that they have plans to hatch and they’re gonna gang aft agley if this gang doesn’t get organized. Why does she always have to be in charge? she sighs as they walk into the ladies room. Megan is t he last one. She turns around into the cafeteria to see the other baseball players brutally beating up the boy who ran into Laura. She is confused but nevertheless follows the other girls. On the door to the ladies room is a crude drawing of a demon.
Hisako is in one of the stalls while the others are waiting outsides. Megan tries to announce her plan but is shushed by a hyper-nervous Hisako, so they wait until she is finished. Afterward, Megan suggests they pool their resources. She’s got a buck fifty which will get fries but if she can get another two dollars then she can get the monster upsize and she’ll share the burger too and they can just drink water. She’s really not that hungry.
Hisako leaves the stall, announcing she hates talking in the bathroom. She hates hearing people talking. It’s as bad as hearing your parents you know. Without mosquitoes there would be no more malaria, Laura informs her wisely. She knows, and without cowboys there would be no cows, she retorts. What’s her point?
Oh my God! Cessily suddenly exclaims. Look at her, she’s horrible! The others stare into the bathroom mirror as she does. The reflection shows them in their X-Men uniforms and there mutant looks but they don’t notice. Cessily just complains about her hair. Hisako tells her to calm herself. She almost made Laura take her mace out. It’s a switchblade, Laura corrects her. Why would she carry an absurdly large object such as a mace? Megan tries to calm Cessily, telling her she looks cute. She wishes she was a redhead. Ruth complains she thinks there is something in her eye. Can they leave now, please? Megan hugs Cessily and suggests they go eat. Her blood sugar must be low. She thought there was actually something wrong with Cess.
Utopia, home of the X-Men, outside a bunker in which is a girl’s bathroom. Rockslide and Anole are nervous, as she’s been in there a really long time, even for a girl. Rockslide finally knocks. Inside, Ruth Aldine aka Blindfold (looking the way she is supposed to look) “looks,” if that can be the right word in her case, at her reflection in a locker door. This is not what it looks like, she announces, it is not. Go away. Go away, everyone should go away.
Rockslide finally kicks in the door. Boys, go away; she is hiding, she states. Rockslide replies this stupid asteroid is totally falling apart. Please, where is everyone? Ruth asks. Looking at a tampon, Rockslide mutters girls have a lot of weird stuff while Victor tells Ruth that’s what they wanted to ask her. Where are Pixie and X-23 and Cess and Hisako? There’s really a lot to do and they could use help. They are gone, Blindfold replies. Expiring. Not themselves. Trouble. There is going to be trouble. But they’ll be back soon. They better be, Rockslide mutters, then finally realizes what the object in his hand is. Is this the girl’s washroom? he shouts at Victor. He is totally dead! This is so wrong!
Elsewhere, in what seem to be another reality the girls are in the school cafeteria. Like wrong on every possible level, Megan mutters about her food. They find a place to sit down. A guy suddenly addresses Laura remarking it’s not her fault she’s in love with a big gay cheerleader who won’t return her phone calls. What the hell did he say? she demands and unsheathes her switchblade. He said how long has she been seventeen? he claims. Stop talking to them! another boy shouts and wrestles him from behind. He will pay for that, the first boy threatens. They will all pay, the other boy replies, if he doesn’t do as he is told. Does he think he is in charge here? He hits the first boy in the face with his food tray For a moment the firs boy’s face changes, suddenly looking like that of a green goblin. Uh-oh, the second boy mutters. A group of footballers has gathered threateningly.
The girls watch as they hit the second boy. She’s not moving, Laura mutters, not for anyone. Not until their mission is… she sputters off. Megan exclaims her name. Next! the cafeteria lady repeats senselessly and suddenly stabs Megan in the back with her knife. Passing out, Megan tries her teleportation spell. Shut her up! someone announces.
Megan find herself somewhere else, dark lab. She’s hurt. She needs them to call someone, her mother, she demands. Please call her mother!
Someone who looks like the food lady from afar but more like a golden goblin with tentacles from close up tells her to sit down. Megan still acts as though nothing seems wrong when she asks if they need the number. She’s sure it’s in her file. They can look it up. She’s Megan Gwynn. She spells her name. Can she have some aspirin. She’s going to be late for fourth period.
Stop talking! the creature orders. She’ll stop talking when they call her mom, Megan shouts, or at least she’ll start talking to her mom and the woman won’t have to listen. Doesn’t this school have some patient-mom privilege? Nothing is worth this, the creature mutters, preparing a drink and handing it to Megan who pleads she wants to go home. She doesn’t feel well. The creature tells her her strength is ebbing They… she’ll need all her strength. If she isn’t on the phone with her mom the time this hits her molars, she’s gonna call so loud she won’t be needing a phone, Megan threatens. They are counting on it, comes the reply.
Somewhere else, the shores of Utopia where Kurt Wagner aka Nightcrawler tells Betsy Braddock aka Psylocke one of the longest words in the German language: Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän. Not interested, Betsy asks if he sees anything moving out there. Nothing, he replies and insists the word is very funny. It’s the word for “steamship captain “but Germans are so precise they must name the river in the word itself, it’s so amusing! They call a river Donald Duck fart? Betsy asks. No, Kurt corrects her. “Donau” is German for the Danube. There is a longer word regulating the labeling of beef, but--
Suddenly Betsy warns him to step back. A moment later a woman in an old-fashioned dress with her hair in an equally old-fashioned knot stands before them. Her eyes are fully black, her ears pointed and her hair is lavender, making her look very much like an older version of Pixie. Where is her daughter? the woman demands. “Fraulein,” Kurt begins. Don’t fraulein her, she orders strictly. Unless he is the one in charge and she tells him frankly that would not be her guess.
More direct, Psylocke demands to know who she is. The stranger continues that his teutonic charm might have worked on her granny Griffith when she just up and married that officer who never should have escaped from camp 198. But those bridgenders were known to be numty, bless them and she can tell them it won’t work on her.
Madame, Betsy remarks. Don’t “madame” her, the stranger now turns on her. Don’t they know who she is? Not really, Betsy retorts. She is Mrs. Gwynn, she announces. Betsy and Kurt share a look, clearly not having any idea why this should mean anything to them. Mrs. Pixie’s mother, she clarifies annoyed and again asks where her daughter is.
Kurt politely asks her to give them a moment. They turn away and whisper. Betsy remarks she must be nuts. Pixie’s been helping shifting tents and getting people settled in. She’s probably asleep and she’s totally earned it. Have the ever even seen a picture of this woman? Oh, it’s her all right, Kurt insists. She even smells like Pixie. There’s magic here, he believes. Hers or someone else’s, he doesn’t know. Betsy replies exasperated that she smells of bananas and she has nothing on her. She doesn’t know if the woman is blocking her or someone else. Still….
Kurt turns to the woman trying to be charming. He assures her they are always happy to meet the parents of a former student, now indispensable X-Man. Especially one so charming. He suggests they go find her daughter. Her daughter is lost! the woman insists. Literally or metaphorically? Betsy asks. She wants an answer! she shouts and swats Nightcrawler away.
Get. Back. Now! Psylocke orders and manifests a psychic dagger. They were supposed to look after her, the woman accuses them. Kurt teleports onto a rock next to Mrs. Gwynn and suggests they not jump to conclusions. Even if she is right, Pixie has a good head on her shoulders. She comes from good stock, no?
Megan would not call to her for no reason, the woman states. She insults them. Locked away on their island of dreams. That girl has got her for a mother and she assures them her father was no better. Edging closer, Kurt states, her father was a coalminer, yes? Salt of the Earth… Children do not come from nothing. Do they actually think that girl was bred from milk and butter? she snorts. If her father was a coalminer, she is the president of the Pothmadog Rotary Association!
Kurt suggests they go find Cyclops to clear up her question. Too late! She announces. She makes a small gesture and dust gathers around her. She stalks off, announcing do they think she has all day? That she doesn’t have things she’d rather be doing than chase after her foolish girl? She was the fool to think they were the lesser of two evils. She slowly floats away. So, does he really think she might be magical? Betsy asks sarcastically. Because she still thinks the jury is out.
Back at the high school, Megan looks through the empty hallways, wondering where everyone is. She hears a slamming noise coming from the infirmary. A green, goblin-like being, clearly hurt, drags itself around the corner. Cessily comes running and tells her to run. What is that horrible thing? Megan asks but Cess has no answer. It becomes clear soon that she is running (as are her other friends) from a group of demons that are hot on their heels.
Why the hell are there demons in her high school? Megan protests. Shut up! a red demon orders and hits her in the stomach. She’ll get them all in trouble!
Megan’s jacket tears and beneath it she finds to her surprise she has wings. Loudly she cries if she is a demon, too? A moment later an even bigger demon appears, demanding to know who is responsible for this. “Dad’s home,” one of the demons mutters.
