Then
Paris, France:
Betsy “Psylocke” Braddock and the enigmatic Fantomex are naked in bed, save for a purple sheet that covers some of their bodies, and Fantomex’s mask, which is raised above his mouth. Flowers and weapons are scattered about the bed and floor, and a bottle of champagne and two glasses are on the floor also. ‘Am I high? Is this a drug?’ Fantomex asks Betsy as he kisses her hand. Betsy smiles at him. ‘Do you really want to know?’ Betsy replies. ‘Not really’ Fantomex tells her. He starts to kiss her neck, and Betsy’s head hangs over the side of the bed as she tells Fantomex that all she knows is that they are out of champagne. Fantomex points out that there is more in the kitchen. ‘Yeah but she’s in there. I can hear her banging around’ Betsy remarks.
Fantomex suggests that they could steal the billion dollar bottle from the Louvre, and quotes “King Champagne… drink it and fall in love forever”. He then supposes that they could steal something with considerably more sparkle. ‘Oh. I see’ Betsy replies coldly. She turns around and puts a dressing gown on. ‘I didn’t think you were serious’ she remarks. Fantomex replies that he never jokes about a favorite hobby, and tells Betsy that the Diamond Exchange is vulnerable tonight. ‘You in or not?’ he asks her. Betsy starts brushing her purple hair and tells Fantomex that he knows she is trying to lead a more honorable life, and points out that becoming a cat burglar is not part of that. She adds that she isn’t going to cross the line just to keep them in the Kanye West Suite. ‘Besides, aren’t you “the World’s Greatest Thief”? Just do it and don’t tell me about it’.
‘When my three brains were split into three bodies, my power of misdirection went to Weapon XIII’ Fantomex reveals, adding that he needs Betsy’s psychic powers to cover their tracks - they need her to pull off the heist. He stands up and pulls Betsy towards him, ’My love… I know how you feel. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important’. He adds that it is his mother, that she has kidney failure and needs dialysis to live - and he can’t steal hospital visits. ‘Mother?’ Betsy asks, surprised. ‘I - I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? How long will she -’. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. ‘Hellooo-’ a voice calls out. Cluster pokes her head in, ‘It’s me. Cluster. You haven’t come out for two days. Is everything all right?’ she asks from behind her mask.
Betsy and Fantomex turn to her, Betsy’s dressing-gown-covered body blocking Fantomex’s naked body. Cluster opens the door further when she gets no response, and as steps into the room, she remarks that there is homemade pho for everyone. ‘Elizabeth, I know you are trying to avoid meat, so I made yours with vegetarian broth’ she adds, before holding up a bottle of champagne. Betsy clears her throat and tells Cluster that she can leave the champagne. Fantomex thanks Cluster and tells her that they will be out in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.
‘Aren’t we a little too old to have a roommate?’ Betsy asks Fantomex. ‘Please try to get to know here. She’s a part of me, after all’ Fantomex reminds Betsy, adding ‘she can’t be any worse than the part of you that sings Taylor Swift in the shower’.
Betsy smiles and tells Fantomex that she will give Cluster a chance, before remarking that she will do it, the diamond job, tonight - for Mother. They then kiss, arms wrapped tightly around each other, before Fantomex picks up a box with a gift bow on it, ‘Thank you, my love. I was hoping you’d say yes, so I had this tailored for you. A little something to get you in the mood’. Inside the box is an identical costume to the one Fantomex and Cluster wear - only it is purple and white in color.
Now:
Madripoor, dark clouds cover the moonlit sky, while the city is lit up by the lights inside dozens of skyscrapers. Inside one such building, Betsy is dressed in her new purple costume and stands next to Cluster. Both women are holding a pistol. ‘This is a funny place to take a girl on a date, Cluster’ Betsy remarks as she looks around the room, to find numerous women dressed in various X-costumes, entertaining men at tables. Cluster tells Elizabeth that if their info is correct, their target is somewhere in the club. ‘I shudder to think who he’s cozying up with’ Betsy mutters, while Cluster explains that he works for Weapon XIII, and once they find Weapon XIII, they find Fantomex.
A man standing at a counter looks at Psylocke and Fantomex and speaking in Mandarin Chinese shouts ‘What the #$%& are you two doing standing around? Get out there and work it, ladies, work it!’ ‘He says -’ Betsy begins, but Cluster assures her that she gets the idea. Cluster asks Betsy to just go with it, as this is the best cover they are going to get. ‘You take the back rooms, I’ll take the second floor’ she suggests.
Betsy moves to the back of the club, and enters a room shrouded in darkness. She holds her pistol ready, when suddenly, a voice asks ‘Who are you supposed to be?’ ‘What?’ Betsy snaps, when she sees a woman dressed in the old pink costume she wore when she first joined the X-Men. The woman is looking at her phone and glances up. They are in some sort of storage room. “Lady Fantomex”? “Femtomex”? “Fantomsexy”? she asks, adding ‘You must be new, because I’d remember a body like that. ‘Never mind’ Betsy replies, before asking ‘Who are you supposed to be?’ The woman replies that she is old school Psylocke, back when she was white - prim and proper.
The woman adds that Change tells her she has to be Storm or Bishop because she is black. ‘But #$%& that’ she states. Holding her arms out to display the costume, she boasts that it took her three months of saving tips to buy this cotton candy jumpsuit. ‘For all the good it does me. I love the look but it’s bad for business’. Betsy narrows her eyes and replies ‘I’m not sure I want to know what that means’. ‘You know how it is. They all want their good girls to be baaaaad’ the woman explains. Betsy moves closer to her and suggests that she might be able to help her, explaining that she is looking for a guy named Yau - a part time jazz drummer and full-time gangster. The woman smirks, and tells Betsy that she knows the exact guy. ‘He’s got… specific tastes. You can find him in the Deadpool Suite’.
In the Deadpool Suite, several women dressed in Deadpool costumes are with Yau. One is giving him a foot rub, another is sitting on his knee. ‘Oh man, the boss is gonna kill me for this, but I don’t care’ he laughs under a reddish light. ‘Knock knock’ a voice calls out ‘Team #$%&-block calling!’ Cluster exclaims as she and Betsy burst into the room. They aim their weapons at the women while Yau throws his hands into the air. ‘Aaagh! Could you wait five minutes?!’ he asks. ‘You must be Yau. We know you know where Weapon XIII’s hideout is. You know where he’s holding Fantomex’ Betsy declares, warning him that there are two ways to do this. She moves closer to him, psi-knife ready, as she tells him that she hopes he picks the second.
‘Now! Attack! Bingo!’ Yau, who is wearing a Fantomex mask, shouts, wide-eyed. Ninjas armed with swords suddenly bust into the room and surround Betsy and Cluster. ‘These your people?’ Cluster asks, looking at the ninjas who appear to be wrapped in bandages, making them look like mummified almost. ‘What, since I’m a ninja I’m supposed to know every buster with a cheap sword?’ Betsy replies as she and Cluster stand together. Suddenly, Cluster notices Yau escaping through a small panel in the wall behind him. Cluster alerts Betsy to this, and Betsy points out that that Yau is the only one who matters. ‘You got my back?’ she asks Cluster. ‘Always’ comes the reply.
Then
‘EVA - I’ve got the diamonds!’ Fantomex calls out as he and Betsy climb off the rooftop onto the departing EVA, while security guards shoot at them. ‘Power up and prepare to smoke the authorities!’ Fantomex orders EVA. ‘As you wish’ EVA responds. ‘Coming, Elizabeth?’ Cluster asks as she stands on the edge o VA. ‘Right behind you!’ Betsy calls out in her brand new purple costume. ‘As soon as I creatively edit their memories of us’ Betsy adds as she uses her powers on the authorities. ‘Iron Man! Thor! Arretez!’ one of the guards shouts.
Suddenly, the rope that Betsy was clinging to as EVA takes off into the air snaps. ‘FANTOMEX!’ Betsy screams as she plummets towards the rooftops below. She lands on the side of a building, and then falls towards the street, but manages to grab hold of the edge of the rooftop on the other side of the street. ‘Fantomex, help! I can’t -’ Betsy cries, when she looks up, Cluster is there, pulling her up. ‘Never fear, beautiful. Cluster’s here’. The women rush along the rooftops and Betsy thanks Cluster. ‘I owe you’ she adds, while Cluster replies ‘Nonsense, my dear. We’re family’.
Now:
‘Eat #$%&, ninjas!’ Cluster cries as she fires back at the ninjas while following Betsy down a hallway. ‘Are they gaining on us?’ Betsy asks. Cluster reports that the ninjas are keeping their distance, and that they are advancing but not attacking, cutting them off from escape routes. There is a growl inside her mind, and Betsy clutches her head, ’Damn Demon Bear in my head!’ she mutters, adding that he has been going berserk since they got here, and explains that it is hard to aim with him throwing a fit in her skull. ‘Give him a purple picnic basket and tell him to shut up’ Cluster suggests as she continues to fire at the ninjas behind her. Betsy replies that she can’t get him to do anything, as he is uncontrollable. ‘Freeze, slime bag!’ she shouts at Yau, who ducks into another room. ‘We’ve got him, Cluster! Yau’s cornered!’ Betsy tells her companion as they follow him into the room.
‘But now so are we’ Cluster points out, while Betsy looks around the room and can’t see Yau. ‘where did he go?’ she wonders, while clutching at her head again. ‘Aaaow - is this your Demon Bear?’ Cluster asks as they find their surroundings changing, a tar-like substance seems to flow around them. ’Impossible, I - what just happened? Cluster - where are we?’ Betsy asks. ‘Is this mind control? Did we -’ Cluster begins, when suddenly, she goes wide-eyed and tells Betsy that she knows this feeling, like déjà vu. ‘Elizabeth - it’s misdirection! He’s here!’
A figure emerges from the shadows behind her, wearing an identical costume that is black and grey in color. ‘WEAPON XIII!’ Cluster shouts as she opens fire, but he grabs her. ‘Cluster!’ Betsy exclaims looking behind herself, she sees that Weapon XIII - or Weapon XIII - has one arm wrapped around Cluster’s neck, and points his pistol at her face.
‘Excellent deduction, my dear Cluster. Elizabeth, so lovely to see you, after all this time’ Weapon XIII declares, glaring at Betsy from behind his mask. He tells her to put down her weapons and submit herself to his custody, otherwise he will misdirect Cluster’s precious brain all over the floor.
Then
‘Outstanding! Splendid! Magnificent!’ Fantomex exclaims as he and Psylocke are in a room full of stolen goods - gold bars, and various other artifacts. Betsy is lying on a sofa and yawns, and Fantomex tells her that with her telepathy, they can break in anywhere and steal anything. ‘Tonight, I say we go big: the bottle of King Champagne from the Louvre!’ he exclaims. Betsy asks him if he doesn’t want to do something else for a change, so Fantomex looks at her and tells her that he knows what those words mean, but not in that order. ‘I’m a thief. You’re a thief. So let us be true to our nature and thieve the hell out of Paris!’ Holding a skull in her hands, Betsy replies ‘Maybe your nature. Not mine’. Fantomex goes over to her and attempts to kiss her through her mask. ‘Don’t be demure. You love being a thief’ he tells her.
‘I didn’t want this to consume our lives’ Betsy replies, pushing Fantomex away. ‘Oh, is that a fact?’ Fantomex asks, rubbing his face, before asking Betsy if she realized that after they stole the Pharaoh’s necklace, or the Rembrandt, or the flying Bentley? ‘You keep stealing because you love it’ he declares. Betsy gets up and strides out of the room. ‘Elizabeth! Wait -’ Fantomex calls out after her, but storming past Cluster, Betsy declares that she needs some fresh air, and slams the front door. Fantomex throws his arms into the air, while Cluster asks him what he did this time.
The sky is a dusty purple as Betsy stands on a balcony and gazes out over the city. ‘Elizabeth!’ a voice calls out, as Cluster approaches Psylocke and asks her if she is okay, and what happened. ‘Why does he have to be such a jerk all the time? She isn’t sick at all, is she? His mother?’ Betsy asks, adding ‘I mean… your mother. Whatever’. Cluster asks Betsy to understand that this has been an adjustment for all of them. ‘Me, Fantomex, Weapon XIII… we all used to be one person. We had balance. When they divided us, well… I guess Fantomex got all the scoundrel parts. She pauses, before announcing ‘But I’ve got… champagne!’ and holds up a bottle and two glasses, telling Elizabeth that she figured she could use some.
‘Don’t be so kind to me’ Betsy replies as they clink their glasses together. ‘And why shouldn’t I, darling?’ Cluster asks. ‘Because I’ve been a right #$%& to you since the minute you stepped out of the cloning machine’ Betsy points out. Cluster raises the lower part of her mask and tells Elizabeth that she longs to be kind to her. ‘We were all together in Fantomex’s head when - we were all Fantomex when… we fell in love with you. When I fell in love with you’. Cluster puts a hand to Betsy’s face while Betsy remarks ‘Fantomex got all the scoundrel parts and you… it was you all along’. Betsy and Cluster then embrace and kiss passionately on the balcony.
Now:
‘I know how this looks, but please don’t get the wrong idea about me. What I do, I do for love’ Weapon XIII explains from the shadows. He steps forward into the light, and announces that all he ever wanted was a chance. He is wearing a striped suit, but his black mask remains over his face. He holds a single rose in one hand and drops to one knee before Betsy, who is gagged and hanging from the ceiling, her arms tied overhead, as Weapon XIII declares that all he wanted was a chance to prove how much he loves her….
