Saturday morning, 5:45 AM. If you are a super heroine living in New York City, where are you? If you’re in the know - you are at Danny Rand’s zen yoga class. ‘That’s right, ladies. Streeetch…’ Danny “Iron Fist” Rand calls out as he raises his arms above his shirtless body. ‘…and release. Streeeetch…’ he repeats. Among the women are She-Hulk, Crystal, the Invisible Woman, Storm and two close friends - Monica Rambeau and Felicia Hardy the Black Cat.
Felicia had a rough night with the Puma and is trying to work out the kinks, while Monica didn’t have a rought night with Doctor Voodoo, so she is trying to work out the kinks, and then it is off to the hospital to check in with Patsy and Angelica.
‘Psst. Hey, Monica?’ Felicia whispers, motioning to the window, where they see Angelica “Firestar” Jones hovering. She knocks on the window, and tells Iron Fist that she is sorry to interrupt. ‘But Felicia, Monica - can I have a word?’ Danny narrows his eyes and tells the women to take it outside, to the Garden of Serenity.
Up on the rooftop Angelica explains that she woke up, feeling fine, and Patsy was gone and there was a weird smell in the hospital room. ‘I think maybe Daimon took her to Hell. Or something’ Angelica declares. ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa -’ Monica exclaims. ‘Jump to conclusions much?’ Felicia asks. ‘Occasionally, especially with boyfriends, yes. But check it out - her laptop was just sitting there, in a chair’ Angelica replies, pulling Patsy’s laptop out of her handbag she opens it up, and the word processing document has in large capital letters scrawled across it: ‘HELP! DAIMON TAKING ME TO HELL! AGAIN!’ ‘Okay, that does seem to support your theory’ Felicia concedes, while Monica goes wide-eyed and asks if Patsy is crazy, ‘Why was she even talking to that freak?’ Monica declares.
Angelica looks away and reveals that she thinks Patsy made some kind of deal with Daimon, which is why she feels better. ‘Because - uhm - when I say “better”, I don’t mean “well-rested” better, I mean “cancer-free” better. I think I’m cured, guys’ Angelica announces. ‘I hate men. Why do men suck?’ Felicia thinks to herself, while Monica declares that deal or no deal, they are not going to take a powder while Patsy rots in some disco inferno. ‘Am I right, ladies?’ she asks her friends.
And, in Hell, demons have gathered around a cage-ring, where Patsy “Hellcat” Walker in her costume goes up against her ex-husband, Daimon Hellstrom. ‘You think you’re so smart? You think you’re oh-so-clever? Think again, hellspawn!’ Patsy exclaims as she leaps towards Daimon, punching him and then kicking him. But the shirtless Daimon just tells Patsy that he can keep this up forever. ‘And I mean that literally, now that we’re in my domain’ he points out. Grabbing Patsy by her ankle, he casually throws her against a beam holding the cage up, and Patsy hits the beam with a thud, while thinking that this is her personal hell - extreme cage-fighting with her ex-husband for all eternity. For a very captive audience of demons who look on with delight. ‘Woo-hoo!’ one of them calls out. ‘You may have tricked me, Daimon, but you haven’t broken me’ Patsy exclaims, leaping towards Daimon once more, and suggesting that if he thinks this is bad, he should try being single in Alaska. ‘That’s hell!’ Patsy declares as she wraps her legs around his head and pulls back, sending a loud cracking sound down Daimon’s body. ‘Ouch’ one of the demons utters.
Daimon is on his hands and knees and rubs his lower back, ‘You’re really rather funny, you know. But I want to be clear: I want my conjugal privileges reinstated. For one glorious sublime night, at least’ he tells Patsy. ‘Ugh. You’re a pig -’ Patsy starts to reply. ‘Maybe. But you’re not going anywhere until I have my night’ Daimon tells her. ‘Not. Gonna. Happen’ Patsy shouts. Daimon grins and suggests to Patsy that they see where her defiant spirit is in a year or two - or ten. The crowd roars at the thought of a never-ending battle of the sexes. ‘Come on, girls. Where’s my cavalry when I need it?’ Patsy thinks to herself, readying her fists for another attack.
They are at the apartment of Doctor Voodoo a.k.a. Jericho Drumm. ‘You ladies know what time it is?’ Jericho asks, rubbing the back of his neck. He adds that he isn’t complaining, as he has had worse wake-up calls. He then asks them if they want coffee. Monica and Felicia are now wearing their costumes, and Monica tells her sort-of-boyfriend that it is early, and now that he is Sorcerer Supreme, he needs his beauty rest, but that this is an emergency. ‘Hot. Reminds me, in a way, of… Thomas’ Felicia realizes as she looks at Jericho. Angelica informs Jericho that they have reason to believe their friend Patsy has been trapped in Hell by her ex-husband, Daimon. ‘Can you get here out? Cast a spell or something?’ Monica enquires. ;Wait a minute. Daimon as in… Hellstrom?’ Jericho asks, concerned. ‘Ye-’ Angelica starts to reply, but Monica interrupts her: ‘Maybe. What difference would it make?’ she enquires.
As he starts to make some coffee, Jericho replies that the difference is Hellstrom is a bad-#$&. If I can avoid messing with that juju, I do’ he declares. Monica starts walking past Jericho’s library of the occult and on a shelf she sees the Monkey’s Paw that she snagged for him, and asks Jericho if it grants wishes. ‘Yes. But it doesn’t work trans-dimensionally’ Jericho replies. He tells Felicia that he assumes she takes her coffee with cream, and turns to Angelica, who tells him ‘Sugar, no cream’, before asking what “not trans-dimensionally” means. Jericho hands Angelica and Felicia their coffees and explains that it means they can’t wish their friend out of Hell because Hell is in another dimension. ‘And anyway -’ he starts to say, while Felicia enquires as to whether, hypothetically, they could wish <i>themselves</i> into Hell. ‘Yes, but -’ Jericho begins, as a strange glow fills his apartment. Monica holds the Monkey’s Paw overhead, ‘I wish us into Hell. Me, Angie, and Felicia -’ she calls out. ‘Monica, no -’ Jericho exclaims, but too late, the three girls vanish and the Monkey’s Paw drops to the floor. ‘Damn it, girl… the Monkey’s Paw never works the way you want it to’ Jericho mutters as he goes over to the object.
Black Cat, Monica and Firestar find themselves in a barren landscape. ‘That’s just great, Monica, but how do we get back? And how do we find Patsy? Never been here before, but I’m assuming Hell’s big’ Black Cat remarks, hands on hips. ‘I figured if I was holding the paw, it would, you know, come with us’ Monica explains. Angelica looks out into the distance and tells her friends that she doesn’t know about getting home, but in terms of finding Patsy suggests that they should start at the garish castle spewing lava out of it up ahead. ‘Times like this… one wishes we had a battle cry’ the Black Cat exclaims as he Monica lifts her up and flies the two of them towards the castle, while Angelica flies nearby. ‘Times like this one wishes you could fly’ Monica mutters.
Inside the castle, Daimon is seated across from Patsy who is now wearing a red dress, and tied to her chair. A bottle of win is on the table between them. ‘This is nice, don’t you think?’ Daimon smiles. ‘Delightful. Why did we wait so long?’ Patsy replies. ‘More wine? For me, I mean’ Daimon remarks, to which Patsy asks Daimon why he is coming after her now, after all these years? ‘You really have no idea?’ Daimon asks, sipping his wine. ‘Not a clue’ Patsy assures him. Daimon pauses, before telling her ‘Your damn book, Patsy’. ‘You’re barely mentioned in my book’ Patsy exclaims. ‘I know’ Daimon tells her. ‘Oh, my God… and you feel slighted? What kind of egomaniac are you?’ Patsy asks. Daimon turns away and frowns. ‘Right. Forget I asked’ Patsy mutters, when suddenly, one of the castle walls suddenly bursts open. ‘Felicia, get Patsy - Angelica, help me with Hellstrom - pour it on, girl!’ Monica instructs her friends.
Felicia leaps onto the table and starts to untie Patsy, ‘Who died and made her leader?’ she thinks to herself, before asking Patsy if she is okay. ‘Annoyed I’m still dealing with this chapter of my life’ Patsy replies, while Angelica and Monica fire their respective energies at Hellstrom. ‘Take it back, Hellstrom - take your deal - with Patsy - back!’ Monica quietly reminds Angelica that that was not the plan. ‘Don’t you dare, Daimon! This is between you and me - you cured Angie? She stays cured -’ Patsy exclaims, shaking her finger at Daimon. ‘Uh, Pats? I don’t think he’s suggesting otherwise’ Black Cat points out, while Daimon looks less than impressed, and fire starts to grow around him, ‘Enough!’ he shouts, before bursting into the air, ‘Your buxom friend’s right, Patsy. These theatrics are enjoyable, but pointless. I am on the Son of Satan! Our bargain stands!’ he declares.
‘Fine. Or - you know - we could make another deal. A better deal’ Patsy suggests as she stands with her friends. Patsy knows that like his father, Daimon has a serious Achilles Heel. ‘I hurt your pride, Daimon, I get that. And I can fix it’ Patsy announces. Daimon pauses, before asking Patsy what she is proposing. ‘Revisions when “Cat Outta Hell” is released in paperback. One chapter admitting that I’m still not over you’ Patsy offers. Daimon pauses once again, before replying ‘Two chapters’. Patsy thinks that Daimon is unbelievable, before telling him ‘Fine. Done’. But Daimon tells her ‘Not quite’ and declares that if he sends Patsy and her friends home, Little Miss Starshine goes back to playing the odds - the little boost he gave her physiology goes away and the chips fall where they may. ‘Oh, come on, Dai-’ Patsy begins, unimpressed, but Angelica exclaims ‘Deal’.
And, faster than you can say Daniel Webster, the four friends find themselves transported to a rooftop over a darkened city. ‘We’re back. I think we’re back. I think this is New York’ Monica tells her friends, while Black Cat reports that it is New York, as she can smell the East River. Patsy asks Angelica if she is crazt, and who she feels. ‘I… I’m not sure’ Angelica replies, kneeling over on the rooftop.
The next day, Patsy is in the waiting room, tapping away at her keyboard. ‘…we’ve been to Hell and back. We’ve sought out super hero scientists and witch doctors, but it all comes right back to where we started. A woman in a waiting room. Waiting to hear news’. The door opens and Angelica and the Night Nurse step into the waiting room. The Night Nurse tells Angelica that they will see her in three weeks, and that she has her number so she can call her in just in case of anything. ‘Thanks, Linda, for everything’ Angelica replies. Patsy decides that the Night Nurse might be her favorite heroine, before standing up and asking Angelica ‘Well?’ Angelica announces that her lymph nodes are clear and that she has a negative margin. ‘Oh no. I’ll kill Daimon if he screwed this up…’ Patsy thinks to herself. ‘Is negative…bad?’ Patsy asks. Angelica explains that she had to ask the same thing, but tells Patsy that negative margin means the cancer didn’t spread beyond the tumor, that negative means no more surgery.
Patsy’s heart leaps a bit, she is too scared to ask the question - but goes ahead anyway: ‘So - you’re okay? You’re cured?’ she enquires, biting her lip. Angelica announces that the left side of her body is going to hurt like hell from the surgery in a week or two, and she is going to be tired from the chemo for, like, months, and for the next five years she will be holding her breath, praying she doesn’t have a recurrence. The friends look at each other in silence, before Angelica tells Patsy ‘Apart from all that… as of today… yes, I’m cured’. Patsy and Angelica embrace, ‘I’ll take that’ Patsy tells her friend.
Several weeks later in Hell’s Kitchen, ‘A little to the left, Monica. A little more, a little more…’ Felicia calls out as she instructs Monica who is hovering in the air next to the building that Felicia will be opening Cat’s Eye Investigations out of, with the large sign. ‘I’m about three seconds from dropping this, so -’ Monica begins. ‘Perfect. Nail that sucker in’ Felicia calls out. Two awkward men suddenly approach Felicia. ‘Uh - uh - uh - excuse us? I’m Dexter’ one of them begins. ‘I’m Eugene -’ the other calls out. ‘And we own the comic shop next door., Die Puny Humans, and we were just wondering -’ Dexter begins, ‘Are you seriously the Black Cat and are we seriously gonna be neighbors?’ Eugene asks. Thomas Fireheart approaches Felicia and tells the men that she is, and yes they are. ‘Hey, Leesh. You got a minute?’ he asks Felicia. ‘… sure, Thomas’ Felicia replies, while Monica approaches Dexter and Eugene and offers to give them the grand tour inside. ‘Omigod, she’s talking to us. Captain Marvel is actually speaking to us’ Eugene exclaims. ‘Photon. Dude, it’s Photon’ Dexter points out.
Thomas tells Felicia that she might have found her very first customers: “Ms Hardy, Ms Hardy, someone stole my copy of Fantastic Four number one., can you help me track it down?” he mocks. Felicia tells Thomas that she is sorry she hasn’t called him back, but that she has been busy. Looking at the large sign, Thomas tells her that he can see that, and that it looks great. ‘Would it offend you if I asked -?’ he starts, while Felicia interrupts him, knowing what he is going to say: ‘Where I got the money? Have I gone back to my thieving ways?’ she declares. She assures Thomas that she didn’t, and doesn’t, revealing that she borrowed the money for the down payment from a wealthy gentleman who once took an interest in her. She recalls her meeting with the Kingpin, who told her that she caught him in a benevolent mood, and that it will help her open her little boutique.
‘Is this a new love interest?’ Thomas asks. ’What? No absolutely not. God, no’ Felicia exclaims. Thomas opens his arms and points out that since money isn’t an issue anymore - but Felicia turns her back to him. ’Thomas, I can’t’ she replies, walking over to the park bench outside her business, she tells Thomas that she is grateful for what he did, that he kept her from backsliding, but that this has been wake-up call. ‘Push comes to shove, I don’t want to be in a relationship. And it’s not just ‘cause I’m starting a business, it’s also…’ Felicia’s voice trails off. ‘Me. You don’t want to be in a relationship with me’ Thomas remarks, squatting down beside her. ‘We had a good time, you’re sexy as hell, and your heart’s in the right place, but…no, I don’t’ Felicia announces. ‘Does this make me a horrible person?’ she asks. ‘It makes you honest’ Thomas replies, holding up a bottle of champagne, he tells Felicia that he is still giving it to her. ‘Cristal Brut, 1990, Methuselah’ he explains. Felicia’s jaw drops, as she takes the wine, ‘This…is a twenty-thousand-dollar bottle of champagne’ Felicia declares. ‘I know, so - use it wisely’ Thomas smiles.
Later, at Felicia’s loft, she pops the champagne open and tells Patsy, Angelica and Monica that they shall toast, to being happy, healthy and wise. ‘I’ll drink to that’ Angelica remarks as Felicia pours wine into her glass. ‘And to being single’ Monica suggests. ‘Single? So you and Jericho -?’ Patsy starts to ask. ‘Me and Jericho are just friends, and if you write otherwise in your new book, Patsy, I will energy-blast you’ Monica smirks. ‘Mazel tov!’ Patsy exclaims. ‘L’chaim!’ Felicia smiles. ‘Avengers Assemble!’ Firestar jokes as they all raise their glass and clink them together. ‘Speaking of your new book, have you come up with a title yet? Wow. This is good champagne’ Felicia remarks. Patsy replies that she is playing around with a few thighs: “Super Vixens”, “The Femtastic Four”. ‘The what?’ Monica asks, not impressed. ‘What is a vixen, anyway?’ Angelica wonders. ‘A female fox. I think “Super Vixens” is good. I’m a super vixen’ Felicia smiles. Patsy smiles back. She has said it before and will say it again - she loves her gal-pals, so who cares what they are called?
