Deadpool, while grabbing the scientist, reminds him that he wanted to hear his story, so he’ll tell it to him. He introduces himself as Wade Wilson, who has spent a lot of years doing things he wasn’t particularly proud of. Next, he got cancer, which caused him to join the Weapon X Program in the hope to find a cure for it. He gained a healing factor which eliminated the cancer, but also most of his skin. He managed to wash out of Weapon X as a failed genetic mess. He was discarded along with dozens of others left to rot in the dead pool.
He busted out of that place, upon doing a few more things he wasn’t particularly proud of, before he found his true calling and became Deadpool. He did more stuff. Saved the universe, for example and got himself scragged and woke up at this place with the scientist, whoever he is. Which brings us to chapter X of the story: “Egghead Gets His Neck Snapped!” (a Quinn Martin production) Wade tries to perform the act of killing the scientist, but on that moment, his hand breaks lose from his body!
The scientist claims that this is what he was trying to tell Wade: the measures they had to take to save him have caused some unforeseen side effects. Wade doesn’t call being turned into Jell-o a side effect. The scientist claims that Wade is actually turning into something more like putty. He explains that Wade’s bones and muscles have lost a good deal of molecular cohesion. He needs a containment suit to achieve any reasonable level of mobility. He tells Deadpool that he can stop fighting him because he isn’t the enemy. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have saved him.
Deadpool mentions that, if he knew where he was and who the scientist was, he might be halfway to answering to the scientist’s last claim. The scientist defends that his name is irrelevant. He gives Wade a containment suit and orders him to put it on. It will mark a new beginning for him, just like the last time.
Wade remembers entering a shop, telling the vendor he needs a costume. He wanted something black and formfitting. But the vendor was all out of black spandex, but could custom order him something, 375 and up. Wade asked the vendor what he got for fifty dollars. A hearty laugh, joked the vendor. He suggested that Wade came with him to the back of the shop, believing there might be something among the reject uniforms. Wade tries on a suit from Spawn, Superman and the Beyonder, until he eventually found what he liked.
Yeah, the get-up was a turning point for Wade. It even helped him sort things out. He’s certain that it was the costume that caught the Kingpin’s attention, and also that of Bullseye, the man who later came after his job. Wade remembers what happened when Bullseye triumphantly stood over him in that dumpster.
Wade told Bullseye that he has been shot in the face before, and that it hurt like Dickens. But, he warned Bullseye that he better doesn’t miss, because he wouldn’t get a second shot. Bullseye smiled that he wouldn’t need one. After all, who said that he was going to shoot Wade? Instead, he took out some paperclips and started throwing them at Wade, but Wade stood up and knocked some of them back at Bullseye! Both men got hurt in the process.
The scientist asks Wade if that was the end of that battle. Wade confirms pretty much. Well, there was that little chase scene. The paperclip bullet only gazed Wade. And, since he assumed Bullseye carried an antidote to his poisoned paper clip, Wade immediately knew everybody inside his ambulance was already dead.
Wade’s healing factor took care of his wounds. He remembers taking out his guns and ordering the chauffeurs to simply keep moving and shouting at them that, if they were smart, they’d give some thought about ducking right at that point. Bullseye bangs his ambulance against Wade’s, causing him to loose balance and fire his gun, hitting the ear of his chauffeur! Wade apologized for it, but it looked like most of the ear was still intact. Bullseye revealed himself in the other ambulance to be behind the wheel, joking that the big skill test was coming up!
Wade remembers being a killer in those days. A man who just showed up and turned another person’s lights out. And he has to admit, at the moment, he was a little hacked off. His focus was a little narrow, got lost in the forest staring at all those trees. Killing that one man for the Kingpin meant the world to him. Which is to say his world was just that small. A world with only two people in it: him, and the man trying to steal everything that he was. Wade needed a wake-up call.
Bullseye started shooting at Wade. He fired back, and helped the ambulance fall back so it wouldn’t kill about a hundred gasping bystanders.
Wade claims today that he was neither selfless nor heroic. Neither compassionate nor gallant. It was just him, living on his two-man world six seconds too long.
Unfortunately, the ambulance did crash into a gas station, killing about a hundred people nonetheless. Wade survived the gigantic blast, but wasn’t pleased about it. And that was the end of the Kingpin gig.
The scientist asks Wade if the Kingpin fired him because he lost a battle. Wade believes that the Kingpin fired him because he chose to save the people instead of killing Bullseye. And, Wade believes that the Kingpin had every right to fire him. The scientist wants to hear about Wade’s childhood. Wade wants to know what this is all about. The scientist claims he just wants to hear something from those early days of Wade Wilson’s life.
Wade recalls that his childhood wasn’t pretty. He never met his dad. Never knew what it was like to have one. What it meant to be one. Wade was one of the school bullies, hazing other kids with his “friends” as he pleased. Though Wade wasn’t proud of it, he didn’t tell his so-called friends about it and kept joining them. Wade recalls that he and his mother lived alone and that they weren’t that close. He remembers being mistreated by her, getting spanks for hanging with the bullies and being thrown out of the house regularly.
(interruption)
Oh, hi kids! Deadpool here. Hate to interrupt the story like this, but our fine artist had the overwhelming urge to draw Wade in a pin-up shot even though it’s nowhere in the script. Wade suggest that we return to our story while he teaches that failed Michelangelo artist the error of his ways.
(end interruption)
The scientist asks Wade if he feels any better. Hesitant, Wade defends that just talking about these kind of memories aren’t exactly a miracle cure to him. The scientist wasn’t talking about that: he wanted to hear about the containment suit. Wade supposes that it works, as he feels like meat and bone again. So, he asks the scientist if he’s telling him he has got to stay zipped up in this suit forever. The scientist denies that, correcting that Wade only needs to wear the suit an hour or so a day to maintain his cellular cohesion. Without it, he would start changing into Snot-Man again. The scientist asks Wade if he’s got any other questions.
Wade hasn’t. He just wants to test out a quick theory of his. He quickly grabs the scientist by his clothes and slams his face against Death’s holding tank! After doing that, he asks the scientist if he’s dead. The scientist mumbles, meaning he’s still alive. Wade puts on his uniform again, thinking that he proved his theory: the scientist really does have Death locked up in that tank she’s in. Had the scientist died, Wade would have known it was all a scam. He starts tearing the lab apart, using a computer screen to burst Death out of the tank.
Death is still unconscious. Wade promises the scientist that, if Death is dead, he’ll kill him. The scientist smiles that, if Death is dead, Wade can’t kill anyone. Wade thinks about that. Believing that might be true, he jokes that he’ll just slap the scientist really, really hard lots of times. The scientist claims that Wade doesn’t understand. Wade takes off with Death, claiming that he understand that he’s going to try escape from this place. The rest of his finding the scientist can e-mail to him if he likes. The scientist tries to stop Wade, claiming it’s not safe, but fails. Once Wade is out of sight, the scientist grins with an evil look on his face, thinking this is perfect.
While running, Wade explains that he didn’t know exactly where he and Death were, but he was kind of hoping for Yonkers. He wonders why villain’s lairs can never have a simple “exit” sign. In fact, this feels like another flashback is in order…
It’s like the first time he and Death met, when she had him re-live his escape from Project K. Wade thought that they were meant for one another. But that nutbag, Francis, cranked his healing factor so high, it actually sent Death away from him.
Wade remembers him desperately calling out to Death after shooting Francis. His accounts were all settled and was ready to meet his maker. He didn’t want to play anymore. But he didn’t get a response from her. One of the other Weapon X rejects approached him, joking that Wade truly earned the nickname of Deadpool now. Wade agreed with that statement. While Deadpool took a truck and drove away into safety, all of the other rejects were left on their own.
So, Wade concludes, while still running with Death in his arms, he was finally free. He was free of the cancer, free of Francis and life was just beginning for him. And what a great life it was. He lies being a successful poker player being adored by many beautiful girls, but eventually admits that was a little exaggerated.
In truth, his life really lacked a purpose. Yeah, he had beaten cancer but had lost everything else. He was considering re-entering his life as a merc when fate took him by hand, and a bat flew right through his apartment window! Wade saw that as an omen. Nah, he’s just kidding about that.
The actual, actual truth was that after escaping, he rented an apartment and kept watching the TV until he heard gunshots outside. It was police officers chasing some thug in broad daylight. Wade thought that criminals were all cowards. Wade thought that made them easy to catch as well. But, he did think a lot of money had to be in being a criminal, and lots of babes as well.
And that was pretty much it. He started as a freelance henchman most often working for Hammerhead and his gang. Looking back at those days, Wade wonders what “hench” actually means. Soon, he was in big demand. Still, his life was incomplete. Something about him was different. Something allowed him to survive that whole Weapon X business. He went looking for answers. He got this notion in his head that finding his father might be the key to it all. Wade remembers going back home, where he found his mother and killed her for the year-long abuses. So much for that idea.
Deadpool and Death make it out of the tunnel, and discover that they are actually trapped on the moon! So, Wade suggests, once they return to the surface, maybe he and Death can go and try find his father. The scientist catches up with them. Wade demands to know who he is. The scientist again claims that doesn’t truly matter. Wade defends that anyone who has the power to capture Death and transports them to some realm out of time and space has to matter. Wade thinks he might be dealing with Thanos, or the Watcher. Drax the Destroyer, perhaps. Latoya Jackson? Doesn’t matter. Wade knows that the scientist is somebody. And he really wants to know who the scientist is and what he wants from him.
The scientist claims that it would be so much better if Wade would simply trust him. Wade doesn’t think so. Very well. The scientist starts changing form, and reveals himself to actually be… Loki?! Loki smiles, revealing to Deadpool that he is the man he is looking for. Loki… is Deadpool’s father?!
