Prologue…
A hooded man walks alone into a church. He believes that time is… stinky. Like half-dried blood, kept mud red with the salt of new tears. The man passes some candles. It clings to him in invisible patches: the past and future are so tenacious and suffocating. The man holds his hands over a candle and orders them to show “it” to him. The candles reveal an image of Deadpool. The man gets to see the mysterious woman in Wade’s recent live, and sees how they kiss. The man sarcastically smiles, promising the dear woman that he’ll be coming for her soon.
end prologue…
begin story; at the nightly Bolivian jungle
Deadpool and Monty are scouting their new home together. Wade isn’t sure, but he thinks he sees a perfect war hole, like a little Rockwell but minus the Little Rascals getting polio boosters in their hineys of course. He asks Monty’s opinion. Monty tries to get out of it by faking he left the oven open. Wade smirks that this castle is free for open thoughts so he can say what he thinks. Wade reminds Monty he won’t beat him over it right now, glad that he’s sane again. But he admits those Al Sharpton hallucinations sure did some number on him. But that’s all in the past: he’s cured now!
Monty doesn’t really believe that, as Wade was cleared by a “doctor” having a giant bell for a head. Wade doesn’t know what he has to say to convince Monty he’s truly better now. Dr. Bong and he determined that his visions of bunnies represented moments of his past that he wishes he could make up for. By addressing them, Wade got a new lease on life. That’s fine by Monty, but he still wants to know about that mysterious woman Wade has been seeing, and why he has been continuing to attempt to “craft” her.
Deadpool freaks out and warns the little midget to shut up and just tell him what he thinks of his artwork! Monty smirks that Wade truly is the proof of pure sanity. And about his work? Monty reminds Wade he’s making doll heads. Nine hundred and seventy three doll heads stuck in place with chewed chicklets; it’s a real “tour de force”. Monty looks at the giant, sculptured head in the middle of the living room that Wade has build out of his memories of the mysterious woman. Wade sarcastically sniffs, joking Monty didn’t have to say that.
Wade’s Phat-phone goes off, with him hoping that it’ll be the Commissioner with a request that Barbara needs help twisting her beehive. As Wade goes to answer the phone, Monty is really interested about who the woman is Wade keeps making sculptures off. Wade is informed that he’s got a new job in Atlanta and immediately flies over there.
Morocco…
At his office, Alistaire is busy thinking of new ways to torment his cat, Linda, and also tries to read a Japanese chart, but fails, as he doesn’t know the language. Alistaire jokes that it isn’t easy reading the codes about being a manager and assassin. He takes the next letter, which is the mysterious one he received earlier. As Alistaire opens it, green fog pops into his face! He reads the letter and learns the attack was meant as a warning sign for Deadpool.
A few days later in Atlanta…
Deadpool and Ilaney have arrived in the city and scout the place, looking for Wade’s victim. Wade plays around with his image inducer, displeasing Ilaney and thinking this whole mission is nonsense. Wade continues to look through his binoculars, and notices a woman running for her life. Sweet Christmas in July… it’s the woman from his hallucinations!
Ilaney tries to warn Deadpool to be careful, as the woman is running towards them. But the warning comes too late and the woman bumps into Wade! Wade can’t think straight, joking he feels like William Shatner. The woman begs for help as someone is after her. A voice jokes that there once was a woman called Mercedes, whose lovely body was making all the younger men go crazy and wished she had a gun. But unfortunately, Mercedes didn’t have a gun, so she ended up getting her neck snapped. Deadpool panics a bit when he recognizes a familiar face standing on a rooftop nearby.
It’s Bullseye! As Bullseye recognizes Deadpool as well, he believes things have gotten suddenly really interesting now.
Back at Casa Deadpool…
Monty has managed to hijack into the databases of Landau, Luckman & Lake without Zoe’s knowledge. He is desperate into finding out who the mysterious woman in Wade’s life is, but fails to find any references of her in Wade’s files at the LL&L corporation. Monty fears that the woman might be enough to get Wade killed.
Atlanta…
Deadpool warns Ilaney to take some cover at the roof above them and she climbs the ladder to do so. Mercedes begs Wade for help, and he wants to provide it. Bullseye jumps down, asking Wade how long it has been since they last saw each other. Wade jokes they haven’t seen each other since issue sixteen, when they were in Greece together. Bullseye jokes it’s just another day at the office for him. Bullseye believes Wade must have been hired to kill Mercedes as well, which he confirms.
Mercedes begs Wade, for all that’s holy, to protect her. Suddenly, Wade has a flashback about Mercedes, being completely beaten-up, begging for help for all that’s holy. Bullseye wants to skip through the nonsense and just finish the job. Wade suggests they’ll be “gone like the wind” and just forget about it. Bullseye wants to know what’s going on. Wade explains that he’ll pay Bullseye his money for himself if he lets him and Mercedes walk away. Bullseye isn’t interested and sticks his blade through Wilson! Wade takes that as a “no.”
As Wade starts to faint, Mercedes uses the confusion to continue to run away. But she only finds an empty street with only a cab nearby. She tries to warn the chauffeur about what’s going on, but he doesn’t believe her, thinking Mercedes’s husband just caught him doing naughty things. Mercedes tries to convince him off the truth, but fails, as the cab driver gets killed by one of Bullseye’s blades! Bullseye is ready to kill his victim, but luckily Wade has already discovered, thanks to his healing factor, much to Mercedes’ surprise.
He and Bullseye fight each other, with Wade, calling Bullseye a rookie, that he and Mercedes are going to disappear like Vladimir right now and enter the cab. Mercedes wants to know why Deadpool is helping her, since he’s clearly a maniac. Wade jokes there’s a shortage of non-inbred Dames in Georgia, so he’s striking a blow for genetics. Wade throws some explosives at Bullseye, but he manages to dodge all of the blasts. Though this has given Deadpool enough time to start the cab and drive away.
Wade quickly contacts Ilaney through his intercom to have the helicopter ready, and she does as told. Mercedes wants to know what the plan is and where they are going. Wade tells her to shut up and stop acting like she’s holier than he is. Mercedes wants to know why Deadpool keeps talking like she knows her. Wade explains that he used to screw up all the times but hopes that will all stop, now that he has Mercedes back in his life. But Mercedes, still confused, doesn’t know what Deadpool is talking about, claiming they never met before until today.
Deadpool shouts at her to stop saying that and, for once in her life, just to do as told. Mercedes wants to know why Deadpool hates her. Wade remembers a time in a snowy area, where a scared Mercedes asked him why she hates her. Hesitant, Wade claims he never hated Mercedes, as he never could and that’s the problem. Bullseye catches up with him and throws a grenade at the cab. Wade thinks he and Mercedes had better skip from the cab. Mercedes doesn’t know why, as Bullseye clearly missed, but Wade knows from experience the guy never misses. He tells Mercedes to hold onto him and to not leg to until he says so. She does.
Wade and Mercedes jump out of the cab, which explodes! Mercedes screams like Mariah Carey, upsetting Wade a bit as he rolls into safety telling Mercedes to stop it. But Wade loses balance and drops Mercedes, and he himself continues to roll further. Bullseye catches up with Mercedes, who’s now unconscious. A crowd gathers, not knowing what’s going on. Bullseye loves having an audience when he kills such an important victim. As he’s about to strike, Wade emerges from the sewers and pushes the hatch onto Bullseye’s face, causing him to bleed!
Deadpool gives Bullseye one last chance to let him and Mercedes leave unscratched. Bullseye doesn’t want to hear about it, telling Wade it’s his funeral and is ready for a battle. Wade thought the guy would say that. As the two fight, Bullseye asks Wade if he remembers the first time they fought. Wade doesn’t want to go all nostalgic, but does remember as they fought in Baron Zemo’s tomb. Wade kicks Bullseye on his back, remembering Bullseye tried to strangle him with one of Zemo’s large intestines, thinking that was a classic joke. Bullseye shouts at Deadpool that he’s going to die, and all because of a stupid woman.
Mercedes wakes up, wondering where Deadpool went. Bullseye suggest that they just let the broad be, and go drink a beer together like the old times. Wade, telling his “angel” Mercedes that he’s sorry, fakes to agree with Bullseye’s offer. Bullseye is glad to hear it and throws a blade at her! Wade quickly reacts and kicks Bullseye towards the blade, explaining he was faking the whole thing and Bullseye falls into his own blade, wounded.
Mercedes has heard that Deadpool called her “angel.” Wade tries to cover that he did, but meant it as a short for “angel with a dirty halo.” But Mercedes realizes the truth, and recognizes Deadpool as Wade. Wade jokes that that’s what the name on their marriage license says. Mercedes walks towards him, and they kiss!
at the church…
The mysterious man witnessed everything that happened during Deadpool and Bullseye’s battle, and also the kiss Wade shared with Mercedes. He laughs, pleased that everything is going according to his plan.
