The Oval Office is in chaos, with the president of the United States taking cover behind the Resolute desk. With the secret service agents lying unconscious on the floor around, the only one protecting the president, who is trying to take cover behind the Resolute desk, is Wade Wilson, the man known as Deadpool. At the moment, he is a bounty hunter for the U.S. government and hired to enforce the Superhuman Registration Act. In that capacity, he has been specifically ordered by the president of the United States to apprehend, dead or alive, the renegade known as Cable, who happens to be the source of the chaos at the moment.
Leaping into action against his quarry, blade drawn in one hand and firing a pistol in the other, Wade thinks that even though he has seen every episode of “The West Wing,” he hasn’t seen an episode where Martin Sheen gets shot in the Oval Office by a slightly deranged, but cute, mercenary in pursuit of a half-machine mutant savoir from the future. Wade also ponders that, even though he was ordered to by the president, throwing down with Nate just doesn’t feel right.
As the two trade blows in silent combat, Wade notes to himself that Nate uses a gravimetric field to simulate telekinesis, and the infonet to simulate telepathy. Both of those powers go down for four minutes after he teleports - which Nate and Wade did with their mutual bodyslide from Manhattan to the Oval office. (Wade makes a note to himself to check out later if gravimetric is a made-up word.) Continuing his line of thought, Deadpool wonders if Cable’s tech has come back online or if he is just making him feel better about himself like he always does. Lunging towards Nate, he thinks that he has to finish the fight fast before Nate can hardwire Wade’s brain with the Backstreet Boys catalogue. With this, Deadpool screams that Cable is an evil man for (in Deadpool’s mind) thinking about hardwiring the Backstreet Boys into his brain.
However, Deadpool stops in mid-leap, as Cable freezes him in mid-air, musing that he forgot how fast Wade is. As Cable starts humorously to contemplate Deadpool’s Backstreet Boys idea, more of the president’s Secret Service agents burst in and start firing their weapons at the pair. Immediately, Cable uses his gravimetric field to both shield himself from the bullets and hold the ricochets from the president. Very much helpless, the president notes to his agents that it’s okay. He has a feeling that, if Cable wanted to hurt him, “He would have by now… Right?” To this, Cable replies that he came just to talk, to which the president replies with a dig about how his staff must’ve missed the appointment he made through proper diplomatic channels. Coldly, Cable retorts that, since the American government doesn’t recognise his presidency of Rumekistan, they wouldn’t have taken his call.
Still floating some distance away, Deadpool thinks that the president is smart to keep Cable talking, since as long as he is trying to convince him of how smart he is, he isn’t showing him how tough he is. Continuing, The president tells Cable that the Marines have them surrounded and that there’s no way this ends well for him. “Depends on your definition of well,” Cable retorts. Considering this, Deadpool glances around at the room, the secret service agents also being floated in the office, the marines being held just outside the doorway of the Oval office with his gravity shield. Deadpool tells Cable that he guesses he wins - if he calls this complete stalemated waste of time a victory… but what has he actually “won?”
In answer, Cable tells the president that he didn’t come here to win anything or to fight, he just wanted to tell him - from the perspective of someone who has seen countless histories pass by like the pages of a book- that the Superhuman Registration Act may create a sense of security in the short run, but in the long run this path is a mistake. The president tells Cable that, though every member of his administration agonises over it, the people need to be protected from anything that threatens them of the country. They don’t have the advantage or the luxury of being from the future and acting like they know they’re always right.
Seeming to accept the rebuke, Cable says that their conversation got off on the wrong foot, to which the president admits that he said some things solely to push his buttons. Returning to his point, Cable tells the president that he hasn’t chosen to do this because he was elected, or because he thinks he’s better than anyone else, but because someone has to lead, and he was hoping the president might want to follow.
“And that answer right there proves to me that we’re doing the right thing,” replies the president. He says they regulate nuclear warheads and register guns, and people with powers have become no different from that. To this, Cable retorts that registration is the only thing keeping an eye on him, but once someone tells people where to go and what to do, that’s putting a gun to their heads… Then rebellion becomes self-defence. Cable asks him to think about that, and he will think about what the president has said. With this, Cable drops his gravimetric field and the secret service and Wade all fall to the ground, and the marines begin to pour into the office. Before anyone can take a shot, however, Cable body slides away , taking Deadpool with him.
On Providence, Cable’s South Pacific Island haven, Irene Merryweather and Black Box are watching multiple news reports on Cable and Deadpool’s escapade at the White House. One of the reports wonders why Cable, who has always been peaceful towards the United States, would make such a blatant and aggressive attack on the democracy. Another reports about how the Oval Office sustained heavy damage during the attack, but that the president was replaced with an LMD programmed to provoke Cable.
Watching this with Black Box, Irene states that the news coverage is not good, and asks Gareb why Cable would do such a stupid thing. Gareb states that Irene is his chief of staff and, in his suit, he is Cable’s information filter. They might know him better than almost anyone else on the planet, but they have no ability to predict how he’s feeling. Irene replies that whatever is happening in the U.S. with the superhuman Civil War, it bothered Cable enough to toss his “Fonzie” out the window, which Gareb understands that she means that Cable lost his cool. Irene is concerned with this, because Cable never loses his cool.
Meanwhile, Cable and Deadpool arrive at the One World Church of the Unification, outside of Paris. Deadpool immediately starts to shoot at Cable, who uses his Metallic arm to shield himself from the bullets. As Deadpool kicks Cable in the face, he tells himself that he wont screw up this time, that he wont hold back. As Wade continues to beat Nate, they roll into a nearby stream. Deadpool apologises, and tells him he is only doing his job. As he is talking, he recognises the area Cable had teleported them to, as the One World Church. Cable utilises this distraction to knock Deadpool out with a punch to the face. As he picks himself up, Cable admits that he hates the taste of his own blood. Suddenly, Deadpool wakes up and shoots numerous tranquiliser darts at Cable, who directs them back into Deadpool with his gravimetric field, so Wade passes out again.
Some time later, Deapool wakes up, muttering about his dream which he has just left (“No, don’t tickle me there… you naughty, naughty…”) to the crowd of people seated in pews in front of him. Deadpool has been duct taped to a chair at the altar of the One World Church, and finds it funny that he has broken Cable’s nose. Cable, in return, finds it amusing that Deadpool has been duct taped again, and wonders if he should wait until nature calls again.
Changing subjects, Wade asks him why they have an audience, and Nate tells him that the church-goers live at the church, and that they were still sleeping when the pair arrived. Cable reveals that, months ago, when they took down the “High Priest” Anton Kruch and foiled his goal of unifying the world by turning everyone blue, Cable bought the church. He tells Deadpool that the people here shouldn’t be blamed for the excessiveness of their leader and, since they wished to continue the tenets of the One World Church, he was more than happy to let them. Deadpool admits that Cable is clearly the most benevolent, loving, altruistic, world-saver ever.
As he is asking why Cable was doing all of this… he suddenly realizes why. The trip to the White House, and coming to the church, was all to teach him a lesson. Deadpool figures that, when Cable saw him with his badge, he thought Wade was making the wrong choice, selling out Nate’s principles. But finally being a “government-approved butt-kicker” is just the whipped cream on the sundae for Deadpool - he really believes in what the boys at the White House are doing! He tells Cable that, since they have psychos like himself running around, much less the Dr. Dooms and Squirrel Girls, why shouldn’t the government want to keep tabs on them, and to lock them away if they have to?
He continues, speaking with more conviction with each sentence, that unlike Cable, the government can’t worry about thousands of years of history that hasn’t come to pass, while everyone else lives day by day and it’s their job to make sure the sun comes up tomorrow! Cable interjects that the sun will always come up tomorrow, but the decisions Wade is really talking about mean: will there be any life left on Earth to bask in its rays? Wade defends his stance, saying that maybe the government is trying to make sure there will be. Cable retorts that maybe they’re ensuring there won’t. As they stare each other down, Wade finally crumbles and tells Nate that he gets all of it. He continues that the government is doing what they think is best and, with an edge of derision in his voice, good ol’ Nate, boy savior from the future, always knows what’s best.
Without warning, Deadpool suddenly rips through his duct tape bonds. He knocks Cable out of the way as he leaps from the chair, telling him that, while playing the part of the idiot is fun most of the time, it looses its humor when he starts believing it’s true!
Deadpool lands just behind the front-row pew, and holds his sai’s to the necks of two parishioners as the rest of the church-goers scramble towards the doors. Cable, visibly shocked by Deadpool’s actions, begs him to stand down and asks him what he wants. “you in a jail cell, just like I been personally ordered to do by the Gov’mint of these heah United States!” Deadpool replies. Cable reminds him that they are in France at the moment and that Wade doesn’t have jurisdiction here. Deadpool tells him that he’s and American with a badge, and that gives him the right to kick the crap out of anyone anywhere anytime to do what’s right, got it?
With a smirk on his face and an ominous glow in his eye, Cable replies that he got that… Everyone got that As Gareb and Irene look on from a screen on Providence, Cable reveals that he has been jacked into the Infonet since they arrived at the church, meaning that everything Deadpool has said has been broadcast live to the world.
In the Oval Office, with the wrecked room being restored to some semblance of order, the president makes a statement to the people of America and the world that Cable’s blatant attempts to make the American administration look bad have failed, that Deadpool is an independent operative who does not reflect the views of his administration, and that damage sustained by the president’s Life Model Decoy resulted in a malfunction that led to its erratic behavior.
Back in the church, Deadpool realises that he is going to get fired for his actions, to which Cable states that he put a lot on the line to make certain he would be. Cable then bodyslides them to Deadpool’s rundown, dingy apartment in Manhattan. Deadpool aims his gun at Cable’s head, surmising that Cable bought them here knowing that the bodyslide would leave him vulnerable, which Cable confirms. Wade shouts at Nate, saying that he ruined everything. Cable suggests that, theoretically, he saved Deadpool from making the biggest mistake of his life.
Deadpool demands to know what mistake? For the first time in ten years, he had gotten the chance to be legit, to make a difference in something that matters, and Cable took that away! Cable calmly tells Deadpool that he only gets one chance against him, because he guarantees that this time, he wont let Deadpool beat him around to make his show look more convincing. In silence, Deadpool considers Cable’s words, all the while standing unmoving, his pistol remaining pointed at Cable’s head.
Eventually speaking again, Deadpool argues that Nate had no right to make a total mess our of everything on his account, because he’s supposed to do that himself. Cable, still calm with a gun pointed at his head, tells Deadpool that he can do so much more by his side, all he has to do is trust him. Deadpool snarks that by ‘trust’ Cable really means ‘obey.’ How about this time he should just say “screw you?” In reply, Cable informs Deadpool that his gravimetric shield will come back online in ten seconds.
The seconds pass, and Deadpool resists taking the shot, finally lowering his pistol. As Cable’s shield comes back online, Deadpool states that Cable has won this battle, but that he is going to lose the war. Cable admits that while that may happen, at least one thing was decided for certain this day. Deadpool guesses that is it Cable’s a putz? Cable corrects him that it is at least now, they know which side they are both on.
