Inside the Rand-Meachum Corporation, Deadpool tries to protect his friend, Weasel, from Iron Fist and Luke Cage, who claim that he has installed a virus on their computers. While fighting them, Deadpool compliments them on the idea of Heroes for Hire; he loves the idea of do-gooders asking for money and with their rates a lot of business came to Deadpool. He asks them why they stopped.
Luke tells him that he’s an Avenger now. Deadpool doesn’t believe it. Iron Fist confirms it. Deadpool claims that there aren’t Avengers anymore but Iron Fist tells him that there are and Luke is one of them. Deadpool is surprised, but admits that, if Luke is a member, it is no wonder that they are keeping it a secret; next thing you know they will make Spider-Woman a member. Iron Fist tells him that Spider-Woman is a member. Deadpool points out that they didn’t ask Iron Fist, though. Iron Fist wants Deadpool to shut up, but Deadpool will only shut up if they let Weasel go. Iron Fist thinks that Weasel has too much to answer for.
Weasel denies everything. He was hired to clean computers and that’s all he did. Luke wonders why Weasel is trying to run away then, while ripping a large piece of machinery out of the wall. Weasel shouts back that he’s running away because Luke can bench press Rhode Island. Luke admits that he has a point. He throws the machinery in front of Weasel, cutting off his escape and tells him to talk.
Deadpool tries to convince Iron Fist that Weasel is speaking the truth, but is cut off by Iron Fist’s knee smashing into his face. Deadpool grabs his ankle and punches Iron Fist in the face, while trying to explain that Weasel doesn’t cheat, lie or steal. Well, actually he does cheat and steal and also lie, but he’s Deadpool’s friend and he wouldn’t lie to him and therefore he will protect him no matter what. Iron Fist rolls with the punch and kicks Deadpool into Cage. Cage turns around, ready to hit him. Deadpool tells Cage that he loved the yellow silk shirts Cage used to wear. Cage responds that he loved them too, but he couldn’t get the blood out. Deadpool asks if he was talking about his own blood, but Cage’s silence tells him enough.
Deadpool asks if he can say one last thing before Cage breaks his jaw: Iron Fist is not the only one with a big friend watching his back. Cage feels a hand on his shoulder and, when he turns around, Cable punches him in the face, throwing Cage in machinery behind him. Cage gets up and asks Cable why he’s helping the man who tried to kill him. Cable tells Cage that the media was wrong, Deadpool actually saved his life. Cage is unimpressed, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Iron Fist yells to Luke that this fight is sending his insurance premiums through the roof. Deadpool points out that there no longer is a roof. Iron Fist says that that is the point.
Weasel tries to sneak away while the others are fighting, muttering to himself how they are like kids, fighting without worrying about anything and how this place is a death trap and was probably built before asbestos regulations. Iron Fist that Weasel’s actions prove that he is either showing completely reasonable survival instincts or that he is guilty as sin. Deadpool has a third option: it’s Friday evening and Battlestar Galactica is on. Iron Fist asks Wade if he’s watching as well. Wade responds that he likes hot chicks kicking ass.
Outside the building, Diamondback knocks out a second security guard. One of the girls tells her that the first one was more dramatic, but Diamondback thinks the second one landed better. Asp is trying to hack into the building’s computers, while Black Mamba has taken care of the other guards with her powers, projecting their greatest desire to them. Diamondback tells the others that she can hear the sound of heavy fighting inside and that that can become a problem.
Asp has hacked into the security systems and rewinds the tapes, seeing Weasel behind the computer. She assumes that he’s the hacker they were tracking from California. Black Mamba and Diamondback see Weasel running away, followed by Deadpool, followed by Iron Fist (they recognize his pajamas), followed by Luke Cage carrying a big piece of metal, followed by Cable who is walking calmly past them and admits that they are putting on quite a show.
Weasel climbs over the fence, noting to him that he won’t get electrocuted, because the fight knocked out the power, but still hurts him and rips his shirt on the razor wire. He tries to run away, but runs into Deadpool. Deadpool wants some answers and so do Iron Fist and Cage, who appear next to him. Iron Fist points his fingers at Weasel’s neck. Deadpool is very disappointed by Weasel messing up his first job in ages.
Weasel is surprised that Deadpool was hired to clean up the computers as well. Deadpool tells him that he was hired to steal the Dominus Objective as well, then notices Danny and Luke’s expressions and claims that that wouldn’t hold up in court. Weasel wants to know what Wade wants with him then; he left the Dominus Objective in California. Deadpool tells him that somebody stole it before him and he thought Weasel was the one. Iron Fist suggests they get inside and get some coffee. Deadpool and Cage both respond that some beers would be nice as well and are then both annoyed that they are talking completely alike.
Cable shows up with some interesting new facts, dragging the B.A.D. Girls with him. He shows the others the security footage the B.A.D. Girls downloaded. The footage shows a person sneaking up on Weasel. Weasel claims that this proves his innocence and Deadpool is happy to agree that Weasel was not the culprit. Cable disagrees: Weasel did plant the virus before he was attacked. Luke Cage mutters that he would never use the word culprit, while Deadpool draws his sword. He stabs his sword through Weasel’s sweater without hurting him and lifts him up, enraged because Weasel lied to him. He hands Weasel over to Rand and Cage for torture and maiming. Danny tells Deadpool that they don’t torture and maim, but Luke adds that they never really tried it, so they might like it. Danny just wants Weasel to clean up his computers.
Diamondback wrestles free from Cable’s grip and tells Mamba that that is their cue. Black Mamba activates her powers and everything goes black, but reassures the guys that nobody ever complains about their escape plan. Deadpool is not happy to be exposed to her darkforce powers again, though. A few moments later, the men all wake up in some compromising positions and agree not to tell anybody about this ever. Deadpool wonders if any of their dreams involved suntan lotion as well. Weasel thinks that jail can’t be as bad as this.
A few “nervous, but manly minutes later” Weasel is fixing Rand’s computer while explaining that he was just curious to see if the Dominus Objective would really work and that he would shut it down once he was done with the cleaning. He doesn’t want to offend Danny, but Rand-Meachum really wasn’t that interesting and he only did it as a beta-test. Cage wants to know what the device does, but now in “English,” both Cage and Deadpool say at the same time. Again, for a few moments, they say the same thing as the other - Hey! Stop! - much to the annoyance of both.
Cable explains that, once the secondary drives have been attached to any system or processor, then all ongoing and backlogged data can be read by the central processor that was stolen from La Jolla. Listening to this, Deadpool jokes that it would be a lot easier to understand if they had some kind of symbolic image over his head. To this, Cable tells Deadpool that he sadly no longer has any telepathic powers to make this clearer to them, but Deadpool tells him that he is picturing a New York subway map.
Iron Fist wonders what would be the use of such a system. Weasel explains that, if you connect it to a big server like AOL, Microsoft or the government, you would tap into the tree trunk of data that sends out branches everywhere. Deadpool mutters how he once was a tree trunk in a school play and the kid playing the dog peed on him. Cable wonders what would happen if a person already had access to all those sources of information, but was just looking for a way to process it. Iron Fist asks Cable if he knows who stole it. Cable has his suspicions, but even better he knows who hired the thief. He is going back to Providence and asks Deadpool if he wants to come along. Deadpool wants to know who caused all this trouble, so he agrees.
Weasel asks Deadpool if he can help him, but Deadpool offers to either shoot him or hand him over to security. Weasel chooses the second option, but is not happy. Cage asks Iron Fist why he’s letting Cable and Deadpool go; they don’t even know why Cable was there. Iron Fist says that Cable would claim to help Deadpool, but more was going on. He wonders what the Avengers would do. Luke responds that they would talk about it for a long time and then blow something up. Iron Fist decides to let them go, despite all he trusts Cable to do what is right.
Outside, Cable and Deadpool walk up to the skimmer jet and Cable tells Deadpool that he could have helped Weasel. He would have supported him. Deadpool responds that that is the exact reason why he didn’t. Four police officers block their way and tell them that they are under arrest and the jet is being impounded. Neither Cable nor Deadpool are impressed and they simply teleport out. The police officers are surprised and one of them notices that they left the jet. The others dare each other to search the jet, but none of them are willing.
In a pink Humvee, the B.A.D. Girls discuss the thief who knocked out Weasel. Asp admits that he must be better than they are and has made a composite picture to find out who the thief was. She is both excited and scared by the result and tells the others that they need to book a flight to Hong Kong. P>
In Hong Kong, the Black Box thanks the Cat for traveling to the USA and obtaining the Dominus Objective for him, knowing how much the Cat dislikes that country. The Cat compares the country to a dog. Black Box praises the Cat for being the best money can buy and ask him to plug him in. The Cat plugs in a cable and Black Box tells him that the Dominus Objective works exactly as it should. Now Black Box can see, hear and know everything… and knowledge is power.
