Karolinska Hospital, Sweden:
People run outside in a panic as inside an infuriated Mama Doop throws Wolverine against the wall. He snarls that this is how she treated his buddy Doop. This is the full extent of her maternal instinct. She hits him again and snarls she heard he had enough trouble with his own child. So keep his feral hairy snout out of Mama Doop’s mess. She kicks him.
His child? he groans defiantly. Which one? Now she’s getting him angry. He attacks, claws extended.
High time, someone clipped his nails, she observes and decks him, holds him up and brandishes a giant pair of scissors. In response, Logan bites her. Next he uses his claws on her and demands what gives with her and Doop?
In Doopland beyond the Marginalia, Doop is floored by the inflow of doppelgangers, his strange personas. He tries to shoo them away and is afraid that his breakdown can affect more than his marginal life.
Suddenly, the Doop personas exit at the Jean Grey School, much to the surprise of the X-Men and the future Brotherhood. Maybe they are from the future too, Jubilee suggests. Maybe in the future they are all Doop. Clawing at one Doop, Raze scoffs that is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. Any more ridiculous than him pretending to be future Kitty and stabbing Logan? Rachel snaps. Maybe he’ll stab her too, Raze hisses.
Bling! casts him away but is then telepathically attacked by the future Xavier. He orders everyone to be quiet and tries to find a logical explanation. Perhaps some glitch with the spatio-time continuum…
Rachel turns around but where Logan lay a moment ago now there is only a pool of blood.
The Anarchist has brought Wolverine to the Marginalia. Logan tells Doop he looks like crap. Doop mumbles ‘not Bergman. The margins in the screenplay. Seventh Seal. Not Bergman’s. He got that earlier, Logan replies. He had a long good talk with Doop’s Ma. What did she say? What did Mama say? a hysterical Doop pleads. She took a little persuading but finally she spilled everything. He might want to sit down…
In the real world, there are still far too many Doops at the Jean Grey School. Rachel demands of young Xavier what he has done with Logan. None of this should be happening, Xavier decides. It’s all gone wrong. Maybe when young Iceman and Beast travelled into their future they did something. Something to make a mockery out of the present. If Rachel hadn’t let those X-Men go, they mightn’t be in that situation! he shouts. And if he weren’t so pigheaded, he’d see this wasn’t her fault! Bling! shouts back. Xavier warns her not to push it. Rachel is distracted, wondering if Kitty and the others are getting a Doop show too.
Meanwhile in the lab, the answer is yes, definitely. Kitty admits she might know where the problem is coming from. That’s easy, Iceman opines. Doop is infecting them with his weirdness.
Kitty tries to phase into the Marginalia. Iceman wants to accompany her but she refuses. The future Xorn tries to stop Kitty but Iceman tells her off and gives Kitty the chance to leave.
Beyond the Margins, the Anarchist is back in U-Go-Girl’s tub room. Idie wants to know what Logan said to Doop. He didnt stay for that. Figured it was private. But he did hear laughter as he was leaving. Hysterical. Tinged with sadness.
Maybe they didn’t take enough notice of Doop when they were all in X-Statix, Edie muses. He was just the potato guy who did the filming. Right, Tike agrees. They were all too busy being them to notice.
Edie asks if Tike is pushing his feet between her legs, which he denies. Suddenly, Kitty Pryde emerges from the bubble bath. This is not supposed to be happening! she shouts.
Elsewhere, a now calmer Doop hopes he hasn’t upset Kitty. Logan assures him she’s tough. Doop asks how he is feeling. Logan replies the goop he put on the wound ain’t as effective as his healing factor but it is working. Doop takes his hand and takes him to the next panel, namely the Jean Grey School.
Logan apologizes for bringing him such shocking news. It was shocking, Doop agrees, but it makes a kind of sense too. He’d like Logan to do a last thing for him. Insert the miniature Doop into his ear. It’ll help him forget what he must, so he might integrate back into the story.
Inside the school, the Doops are shrinking and fly into the mutants’ ears. Moments later, they forget the strange events. Rachel tries to recall things and just remembers Logan is missing. He shows up announcing he was about to kick Xavier’s ass. Try it! Xavier goads. A moment later, “Kate” turns to Raze and impales Logan (again).
Doop returns to Edie’s place, where he finds Kitty. She hugs him and asks what’s with all the crazy Doops. He had a melt-down, but then Logan helped him recover. He found out something that put his mind at rest. About Mama Doop. For so many years, she blamed Doop and Doop blamed himself for making Papa Doop abandon them. But the truth is a bit more… doopish. Papa Doop never abandoned them. His Papa was his Mama. His Mama was his Papa. That’s why he never saw his parents at the same time. They are a family of asexually reproducing hermaphrodites? Kitty muses. Doop always thought he was the only boy-girl in the family. Which meant more guilt and shame. Of course, under the circumstances, they must withdraw the proposal of marriage. Which might be a relief to her.
Actually, she might have come around a bit. She was really touched by what he said about marrying Bobby. How she’s worth so much more than that. That’s why she’s doing this.
Suddenly, Kitty kisses him. Afterwards, she suggests they go back to Doopspace. They are not getting married but she loved experiencing that crazy place. She loved how it made her feel. Why shouldn’t she enjoy Doop life for a while? Who needs X-Men life? Friends betraying you! Others getting possessed by cosmic forces! Future her. Past her. Present her. She asks him to take her away from it all.
Surprisingly, Doop replies she doesn’t really want that. Sure she does! she shouts. She likes weird things. She just kissed him, didn’t she? It was the weirdest kiss she ever had (he tastes like spicy peanut butter), but she guesses she could get used to that.
Doop smiles and informs her she just wants to avoid making the toughest decision of her life. Admit it. He means whether she should leave the school and the people she loves and take the original X-Men to Cyclops. Admit it.
She can’t do it anymore, she replies. She gave everything to that school but it’s not her place anymore. She’s not sure she can do that. He tells her this whole journey has been about showing her she can do that. Really? She thought it was about a marriage proposal and a stinky meat engagement ring.
Putting on a Bogart style hat and a trench coat, he tells her they were just props. He could have used a bowl of oranges and a job offer. Besides, he likes living in the Marginalia. And if he was with her, he would no longer be in the margins but the main story. He props up her chin: Chin up kid, they’ll always have the restaurant of hairy armpits. He walks away into the margins and Kitty begins to forget.
Sometime later at the Jean Grey School, Kitty tells the other X-Men, she can’t do it anymore. She has given everything to this school! From the margins, Doop proudly films the scene.
That was the story of Doop and Kitty Pryde. A story of time travel and roots and love. And no, it didn’t end in marriage or even love. Doop went back to the margins. And Kitty, she left the X-Men. And for now, that suits them both just fine.
